Sunday, March 1, 2009

catch up

there seem to be two somewhat distinct fronts in our life right now: the academy and adoption. about every other day, i think of somethin i would consider blog-worthy...but i have difficulty deciding b/w the fronts....why a decision has to be made, i don't know. it's entirely arbitrary.

today is no different.

various happenings have occurred on both fronts the past few here's a brief run-down:

just a few days more than 3 months, and the academy will be over! it's beginning to grind in both of us.... the first few weeks of this were so traumatic...then we had christmas break...then january was the "this sucks, but we can do it" month...februrary turned into a month of frustration and hundreds of decisions to keep on keepin on... it's just flat out hard. we're beginnin to catch glimpses of some of the struggle that will be waitin for us come june - right now, josh is livin in hamilton, and in his free time, does what he wants to do....i'm livin at home and more or less doin what i want to do....neither of us has to consult the other for any kind of shared decision w/daily stuff.....that's pretty much a recipe for tension when we are actually livin together again. completely do-able...just startin to stir up the dust a little when we get together on the weekends.

josh brought his friend royce home again this weekend....he came home w/josh a few weeks ago. in light of the paragraph above, it should go w/o sayin that josh and i butted heads a little the past couple days.... i told royce he's now an official friend since he's been around for some josh and lindsey tension! (there are a few of yall readin this that are probably laughin out loud...and i appreciate that.)

more academy-related news.... we've sold our house. such a relief! we don't know where we'll be goin come june, but there's almost no chance we'll get to stay in this folks were a huge help in the informal advertising...and we have a contract on the table now. woo-hoo! -- and that also means that i'm startin to pack a little. boo-hoo :(

on the adoption end of things.... we've been readin up on a few more adoption agencies....we're hopin to get together w/a couple agencies in lubbock in the new few weeks... we recently learned more about the tax credit that's available to adoptive parents...the credit is substantial, so it could make goin thru an agency much more financially feasible. -- i'm also gonna go see an infertility specialist in lubbock (date pending).... so far, all the tests done and blood drawn basically say "more or less normal"....but still no all we've gone thru has been inconclusive at best. my ob/gyn suggested i go see this guy in lubbock for just one or two more tests that should be more definitive.

i don't deal well w/loose ends....unresolved anything is difficult for me to manage/handle/know what to do with. so although we've decided to pursue adoption, there's been a hitch in the back of my mind (or heart?)....a hitch that slows me down when it comes to diving into the world of adoption...a hitch that's holdin out for the chance to surprise josh one weekend w/the most wonderful news of our lives..... if i go to this infertility guy, and he gives me conclusive information, a definitive diagnosis explaining that i won't be able to conceive and carry a baby....i'll be crushed. the tears fillin my eyes now won't compare to those that will stream at such news.... but at least i'll know. at least we'll be able to stop holdin least the hitch will finally let loose, and we can give ourselves fully to adoption.

that's our world right now....the grind of the academy and separation...the weight of our longings for a baby.... and around and around we go . . .

pretty good chance march/april will be eventful months, so i'll try to get a little better at postin and keepin yall up to date....