we're gettin lots of questions these days....how the adoption's goin...if we're excited...what we've bought...what news do we have.... and really, i don't feel like we have very succinct answers.
the adoption is goin as well as can be hoped for at this point, but there's not a whole lot actually happenin. the baby is due december 30 (although josh is absolutely certain she's comin on the 22nd), and b/w now and then, there's not a whole lot to do but wait. we wait and hope and hold our breath and then keep goin.
i'm not sure if i've explained this yet or not...if i have, skip this paragraph and go onto the next... in the state of texas, birthmother's cannot sign their relinquishment of rights papers until at least 48hrs after the birth. it makes sense, really - it ensures that a pregnant woman isn't making decisions about her unborn child until that child is born. unfortunately in adoption, this is where so much of the risk lingers. until the baby's born, and until the mom signs the papers, it's simply not a done deal.
so....here we sit in october...w/a birthmother who verbalizes clearly her intentions and her wishes...but there's not a single final, legal thing in place until at least 2 days after the birth.
so we wait.
are we excited? of course we're excited... we talk about the baby girl we so hope will be ours...we laugh and get teary and talk about the color pink. josh can see himself carryin her around in one of those pack things while he's walkin thru academy....i can feel her against my chest...we're eager for the mornin we get to take her to church for the first time. and in the very same breath, we're hesitant...we're hesitant to talk too much...to plan too much...to buy too much...
as for stuff....my family's bought us a stroller and a pack-n-play and a few pink odds and ends... josh and i have actually not bought a single thing yet. there have been talks of showers and gifts, but we've opted to wait until after we're home w/her to have such celebrations.
so that's where we are....how we are....
and, as always, we are grateful for yall's prayers and words of encouragement and hope....
Monday, October 11, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
can't help but smile to see this
look what i found! (when you're on the new page, scroll down to the bottom)
in case you're wonderin what the big deal is....it's the 7-letter word following our name. i hadn't seen it until just a few minutes ago. even in the midst of such an emotional ride, seein this immediately swept a wave of anticipation through me.
and as it turns out, the pink shirt i wore the day we met the birthmother was an omen... yep :) if everything works out, we'll be bringin a sweet little girl home in december.
in case you're wonderin what the big deal is....it's the 7-letter word following our name. i hadn't seen it until just a few minutes ago. even in the midst of such an emotional ride, seein this immediately swept a wave of anticipation through me.
and as it turns out, the pink shirt i wore the day we met the birthmother was an omen... yep :) if everything works out, we'll be bringin a sweet little girl home in december.
Friday, September 24, 2010
book review
i hope to have some time this weekend to catch up on the 'ol bloggin....the last month has been crazy nuts w/school and work and life. i thought i'd start w/a quick book review...especially for anyone who might be in the adoption process themselves.
first, the book i haven't read :) "adoption parenting: creating a toolbox, building connections" by jean macleod and sheena macrae, phd. sounds like a riveting experience, doesn't it? as is evident by the title, this isn't a book designed to be read while cuddled up in a chair on a rainy day. it's a guide, a helpful and informational book about the nuts-and-bolts of the adoption process...learnin to be parents to children to whom you didn't give birth. some have described it as the "what to expect when you're expecting" equivalent for those of us whose hips aren't shifting. i think this will be a helpful source for both the days and the years ahead.
"secret thoughts of an adoptive mother" by jana wolff. have you read any of anne lamott's hilarious and heart-wrenching memoirs? if not, you should. if you have, this author is like the anne lamott of adoptive parents. i took the book along to my last ob/gyn appointment...which seemed like a bittersweet fit. i sat in the waiting room w/all sorts of pregnancy magazines spread across the tables and read about 1/3 of this woman's honest telling of the awkward and unnatural and rewarding journey we call adoption. i couldn't decide if i wanted to laugh or cry...so i just kept readin. i read until i reached the chapter on the hospital experience, and i sensed the need to close the book. i haven't thought much about the hospital deal yet...and i don't think lookin or feelin that far ahead is the grandest of ideas, so i'll wait. for now, i can't not leave yall w/o a taste of this consoling gift:
"my mother tells me that, as a little girl, i used to give birth to my doll kate several times a day as i let her fall out from under my t-shirt. careful to support the baby's head, i'd pick her up and stick a little plastic bottled filled w/pretend juice or milk to her lips. i was a very good mother. thirty-something years later, i realize that delivering kate was the closest i ever got to giving birth. many little girls play 'mommy' just like i did, but none of us dreams of becoming an adoptive mother. adoption is not in the repertoire of child's play. it is nothing to which children aspire and a process for which we, as adults, are woefully unprepared" (p.17).
onto the children's books...we shot 2/3, which isn't too bad. i've been sorely disappointed in the unavailability of adoption-related children's books in local stores, even chain stores have had either one or none to look at. i knew buyin any children's book online was gonna be risky since i couldn't read every word, look at every illustration....
"little miss spider" by david kirk was the disappointment of the three. it's a cute book, and the illustrations are wonderful. this book was not written w/the idea of adoption guiding its storyline, so you can't really fault the author. some of the reviews i read said that it was a great story about a baby spider finding a mama in a non-spider bug...which is exactly what happens in the end. however, the book begins under the premise that the baby spider's biological mother has abandoned her and her un-presence in baby spider's current life is evidence of her unwillingness to look for her. that's simply not true of most adopted children....birthparents most often realize they cannot provide for the child (financially, emotionally, relationally) as he/she deserves, so they place the baby into the arms of someone who can. whether our sweet little baby would ever read this book and connect it to abandonment, i don't know....nonetheless, this one will probably be shelved or sold.
"God found us you" by lisa bergren is exactly what it sounds like...only told through the eyes and hearts of a mama fox and her adopted baby fox. baby fox asks "mama, tell me again about the day i came home." mama fox gently tells baby fox about waitin for a long, long time for him...and how when baby fox finally came home to mama fox, mama knew that she knew that she knew that God had found baby fox just for her. "little fox smiled and then thought for a moment. 'mama, will you be my forever mama?' 'always and forever...(and) i will always celebrate the day that God found us you.'" it is the sweetest book. i can see this one turnin into the book w/wrinkled pages and turned corners and some supper-stain on page 13.
finally, jamie lee curtis' "tell me again about the night i was born." this is a really popular book, written by the famous adoptive mother...and as it turns out, it's really good. it's told from the perspective of the adopted child. every page asks a question that begins with "tell me again about...." as the kid asks about the night the phone rang, the day the mama and daddy held her in their arms, the first time her diaper was changed, the first time the mama sang to her... i think it's written pretty creatively...in the voice of a child...but the child's using words that she's obviously heard from her parents - "tell me again how you carried me like a china doll all the way home and how you glared at anyone who sneezed." it's a short, honest, funny, sweet telling of those momentous happenings...some of them known only by adoptive parents...and some known by all first-time parents.
and there you have it. my opinion. just what you were lookin for today :)
first, the book i haven't read :) "adoption parenting: creating a toolbox, building connections" by jean macleod and sheena macrae, phd. sounds like a riveting experience, doesn't it? as is evident by the title, this isn't a book designed to be read while cuddled up in a chair on a rainy day. it's a guide, a helpful and informational book about the nuts-and-bolts of the adoption process...learnin to be parents to children to whom you didn't give birth. some have described it as the "what to expect when you're expecting" equivalent for those of us whose hips aren't shifting. i think this will be a helpful source for both the days and the years ahead.
"secret thoughts of an adoptive mother" by jana wolff. have you read any of anne lamott's hilarious and heart-wrenching memoirs? if not, you should. if you have, this author is like the anne lamott of adoptive parents. i took the book along to my last ob/gyn appointment...which seemed like a bittersweet fit. i sat in the waiting room w/all sorts of pregnancy magazines spread across the tables and read about 1/3 of this woman's honest telling of the awkward and unnatural and rewarding journey we call adoption. i couldn't decide if i wanted to laugh or cry...so i just kept readin. i read until i reached the chapter on the hospital experience, and i sensed the need to close the book. i haven't thought much about the hospital deal yet...and i don't think lookin or feelin that far ahead is the grandest of ideas, so i'll wait. for now, i can't not leave yall w/o a taste of this consoling gift:
"my mother tells me that, as a little girl, i used to give birth to my doll kate several times a day as i let her fall out from under my t-shirt. careful to support the baby's head, i'd pick her up and stick a little plastic bottled filled w/pretend juice or milk to her lips. i was a very good mother. thirty-something years later, i realize that delivering kate was the closest i ever got to giving birth. many little girls play 'mommy' just like i did, but none of us dreams of becoming an adoptive mother. adoption is not in the repertoire of child's play. it is nothing to which children aspire and a process for which we, as adults, are woefully unprepared" (p.17).
onto the children's books...we shot 2/3, which isn't too bad. i've been sorely disappointed in the unavailability of adoption-related children's books in local stores, even chain stores have had either one or none to look at. i knew buyin any children's book online was gonna be risky since i couldn't read every word, look at every illustration....
"little miss spider" by david kirk was the disappointment of the three. it's a cute book, and the illustrations are wonderful. this book was not written w/the idea of adoption guiding its storyline, so you can't really fault the author. some of the reviews i read said that it was a great story about a baby spider finding a mama in a non-spider bug...which is exactly what happens in the end. however, the book begins under the premise that the baby spider's biological mother has abandoned her and her un-presence in baby spider's current life is evidence of her unwillingness to look for her. that's simply not true of most adopted children....birthparents most often realize they cannot provide for the child (financially, emotionally, relationally) as he/she deserves, so they place the baby into the arms of someone who can. whether our sweet little baby would ever read this book and connect it to abandonment, i don't know....nonetheless, this one will probably be shelved or sold.
"God found us you" by lisa bergren is exactly what it sounds like...only told through the eyes and hearts of a mama fox and her adopted baby fox. baby fox asks "mama, tell me again about the day i came home." mama fox gently tells baby fox about waitin for a long, long time for him...and how when baby fox finally came home to mama fox, mama knew that she knew that she knew that God had found baby fox just for her. "little fox smiled and then thought for a moment. 'mama, will you be my forever mama?' 'always and forever...(and) i will always celebrate the day that God found us you.'" it is the sweetest book. i can see this one turnin into the book w/wrinkled pages and turned corners and some supper-stain on page 13.
finally, jamie lee curtis' "tell me again about the night i was born." this is a really popular book, written by the famous adoptive mother...and as it turns out, it's really good. it's told from the perspective of the adopted child. every page asks a question that begins with "tell me again about...." as the kid asks about the night the phone rang, the day the mama and daddy held her in their arms, the first time her diaper was changed, the first time the mama sang to her... i think it's written pretty creatively...in the voice of a child...but the child's using words that she's obviously heard from her parents - "tell me again how you carried me like a china doll all the way home and how you glared at anyone who sneezed." it's a short, honest, funny, sweet telling of those momentous happenings...some of them known only by adoptive parents...and some known by all first-time parents.
and there you have it. my opinion. just what you were lookin for today :)
Friday, August 27, 2010
books, of course
one of my earliest grandma memories is sittin on her floral couch, learnin how to read a book about a little sailboat. literary affection was planted early and planted deep. not surprisingly, reading material has been a frequently visited companion through these years of infertility and adoption. subscribing to an adoption magazine felt so monumental at the time....it was one of the first tangible expressions of our pursuit. the magazine has proven to be one of the most helpful guides around...and its accompanying website and online community have provided relief during those "we're the only ones goin thru this" days.
naturally, i've been lookin for a few specific adoption books....especially those that would help our kids (and any of our friends' kids or nieces and nephews) understand this crazy way of becoming a family. fortunately, the adoptive families magazine offers a yearly reading guide for us, so those reviews served as great starting blocks. i finally had time today to sit and read through those reviews, do some online shopping, and purchased a few:
a memoir written by an adoptive mother
an official parenting guide....eek!
a cute book about a spider lookin for her mama
one of the more popular children's book on adoption
and finally, a surprisingly sweet find about a mama fox and her baby fox
so...slowly but surely, we're truckin along...still guarding our hearts in light of the innate risk...but havin a hard time persuading ourselves to be patient...
naturally, i've been lookin for a few specific adoption books....especially those that would help our kids (and any of our friends' kids or nieces and nephews) understand this crazy way of becoming a family. fortunately, the adoptive families magazine offers a yearly reading guide for us, so those reviews served as great starting blocks. i finally had time today to sit and read through those reviews, do some online shopping, and purchased a few:
a memoir written by an adoptive mother
an official parenting guide....eek!
a cute book about a spider lookin for her mama
one of the more popular children's book on adoption
and finally, a surprisingly sweet find about a mama fox and her baby fox
so...slowly but surely, we're truckin along...still guarding our hearts in light of the innate risk...but havin a hard time persuading ourselves to be patient...
Saturday, August 21, 2010
i wore a pink shirt
yes, you read the title correctly - a pink shirt was on my torso intentionally...and stayed there for several hours.... what's more, the unfamiliar color was worn during our visit w/the birthmom. yep - i ventured into two foreign lands in one day....the land of pink shirts...and the land of meeting birthparents. admittedly almost too much for one day.
i have a closet full of shirts that are green and brown w/splashes of orange and an occasional drop of red...but somehow, they were all dirty....nearly a literal "all"...which i did not discover until the mornin of our visit....at which time it was too late to wash anything. don't think less (or more) of me yet - the new pink shirt was not my first choice. i tried a comfortably familiar shirt w/stripes of brown and green and hidden strips of pink...but w/the pants i wanted to wear, i just wasn't feelin it, ya know? w/all the swirly weight blowin this way and that, i wanted to wear somethin i was really comfortable in...not just ride-in-the-car-comfortable, but have-big-conversations comfortable...somethin that i wouldn't think about all day, wonderin if it looked ok....oh! and have i mentioned that the birthmom is really into fashion? yep. she wants to be a buyer...maybe some of yall know what that is w/o explanation....i didn't....but i've since been educated. so even though i'm not much of a change-17-times-kinda girl, it seemed unavoidable on that thursday mornin. different pants and different shirts and different shoes....so after havin 'pink shirt' float around in the back of my mind for a while, i finally pulled it out and put it on. for whatever reason, that was it.... it was hard to accept....but it did have some green and brown in the argyle pattern....plus, it's super soft....so the decision was made. i was wearin a pink shirt.
we left on time...which we were quite proud of...we're both at-home in the clothes adorning our bodies...and off we go...it wasn't until about 12 minutes later, when i was sheepishly baskin in i-can't-believe-i'm-wearin-pink thoughts that i looked over and realized josh was wearin a very red, very plaid starched shirt. WHAT?!?! after all my changin and worryin and bein proud of tryin somethin new, i completely forgot to think about what he was wearin. so we clashed. pretty bad actually.
fortunately, the birthmom didn't gag when she saw our pink and red shirts...she didn't even stare awkwardly....so maybe she was as unconcerned about our attire as we were about hers.
so that's all for this evenin. it just somehow seemed blog worthy....and i think this is a great place to stop....before i find another superfluous use for hyphens :)
i have a closet full of shirts that are green and brown w/splashes of orange and an occasional drop of red...but somehow, they were all dirty....nearly a literal "all"...which i did not discover until the mornin of our visit....at which time it was too late to wash anything. don't think less (or more) of me yet - the new pink shirt was not my first choice. i tried a comfortably familiar shirt w/stripes of brown and green and hidden strips of pink...but w/the pants i wanted to wear, i just wasn't feelin it, ya know? w/all the swirly weight blowin this way and that, i wanted to wear somethin i was really comfortable in...not just ride-in-the-car-comfortable, but have-big-conversations comfortable...somethin that i wouldn't think about all day, wonderin if it looked ok....oh! and have i mentioned that the birthmom is really into fashion? yep. she wants to be a buyer...maybe some of yall know what that is w/o explanation....i didn't....but i've since been educated. so even though i'm not much of a change-17-times-kinda girl, it seemed unavoidable on that thursday mornin. different pants and different shirts and different shoes....so after havin 'pink shirt' float around in the back of my mind for a while, i finally pulled it out and put it on. for whatever reason, that was it.... it was hard to accept....but it did have some green and brown in the argyle pattern....plus, it's super soft....so the decision was made. i was wearin a pink shirt.
we left on time...which we were quite proud of...we're both at-home in the clothes adorning our bodies...and off we go...it wasn't until about 12 minutes later, when i was sheepishly baskin in i-can't-believe-i'm-wearin-pink thoughts that i looked over and realized josh was wearin a very red, very plaid starched shirt. WHAT?!?! after all my changin and worryin and bein proud of tryin somethin new, i completely forgot to think about what he was wearin. so we clashed. pretty bad actually.
fortunately, the birthmom didn't gag when she saw our pink and red shirts...she didn't even stare awkwardly....so maybe she was as unconcerned about our attire as we were about hers.
so that's all for this evenin. it just somehow seemed blog worthy....and i think this is a great place to stop....before i find another superfluous use for hyphens :)
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
an important timeline
friday, july 30th
- josh gets a call, tellin him to check his email
- josh checks his email, then returns the call
- josh then calls me...while i'm sittin on a broken down train at six flags
- we got "the Call"...a birthmother had selected us and wanted to meet
thursday, august 5
- 0800 - we left (on time!) for a most significant, most unnatural meeting
- 1200 - we meet her and her mother over lunch
- 1530 - we meet the birthfather
- after dark - finally get home....wiped out...
saturday, august 7 - thru - thursday, august 12
- enjoyin the kool mountain weather, mid-afternoon showers of mountain rain
friday, august 13
- received the written agreement from the agency....agreein to the real-life expenses of this whole thing, agreein to pay the figures on the paper, agreein that....if everything goes well....we'll be adopting a baby in december
tuesday, august 17
- finally deciding to just bite the bullet and find a way to blog about this
- so much as happened in the last two weeks....it seems as if every moment could have been an entire post....
and yes, of course we're excited....but we're also holdin our breath....it's not over until the t's are crossed, the i's are dotted, and a sweet baby is in our arms. i'll have some more time to write tomorrow...i just couldn't wait another day.
- josh gets a call, tellin him to check his email
- josh checks his email, then returns the call
- josh then calls me...while i'm sittin on a broken down train at six flags
- we got "the Call"...a birthmother had selected us and wanted to meet
thursday, august 5
- 0800 - we left (on time!) for a most significant, most unnatural meeting
- 1200 - we meet her and her mother over lunch
- 1530 - we meet the birthfather
- after dark - finally get home....wiped out...
saturday, august 7 - thru - thursday, august 12
- enjoyin the kool mountain weather, mid-afternoon showers of mountain rain
friday, august 13
- received the written agreement from the agency....agreein to the real-life expenses of this whole thing, agreein to pay the figures on the paper, agreein that....if everything goes well....we'll be adopting a baby in december
tuesday, august 17
- finally deciding to just bite the bullet and find a way to blog about this
- so much as happened in the last two weeks....it seems as if every moment could have been an entire post....
and yes, of course we're excited....but we're also holdin our breath....it's not over until the t's are crossed, the i's are dotted, and a sweet baby is in our arms. i'll have some more time to write tomorrow...i just couldn't wait another day.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
cashola
there are various organizations around the country that offer grants to help folks like us off-set the costs of adoption. we looked into these a couple months ago, but a completed homestudy is required for the application and subsequent consideration. the paperwork from our completed homestudy has officially been filed w/the agency, and we've received a copy as well. now that we've reached this point, we can begin applying for grants.
as with all grant money, the "granting" organization sets all sorts of criteria....for some, it's very specific to religious beliefs, financial income, and even the adoptive family's ethnic heritage. some differentiate b/w domestic and international adoption. some focus on older children or foster care kids or special needs situations. so the first round of grant applications is to find those that we'll qualify for...which is a little overwhelming for me. i'm not a natural researcher like my husband...or like some of yall readin this. the seemingly endless lists of links and numbers and details threatens my mind to explode and make a mess all over this computer. however, i don't really have the luxury of avoidance right now - josh is pretty busy, huntin season's right around the corner, and school's fixin to start up again...so we're sharin this responsibility as best we can...josh will do most of the research, findin grants we would qualify for, and i'll mostly work on fillin 'em out.
that's about it for now. just felt the need to "AAAAHHHH" on the blog in an effort to keep goin :)
other things have been happenin, too...hope to write more about that soon.
as with all grant money, the "granting" organization sets all sorts of criteria....for some, it's very specific to religious beliefs, financial income, and even the adoptive family's ethnic heritage. some differentiate b/w domestic and international adoption. some focus on older children or foster care kids or special needs situations. so the first round of grant applications is to find those that we'll qualify for...which is a little overwhelming for me. i'm not a natural researcher like my husband...or like some of yall readin this. the seemingly endless lists of links and numbers and details threatens my mind to explode and make a mess all over this computer. however, i don't really have the luxury of avoidance right now - josh is pretty busy, huntin season's right around the corner, and school's fixin to start up again...so we're sharin this responsibility as best we can...josh will do most of the research, findin grants we would qualify for, and i'll mostly work on fillin 'em out.
that's about it for now. just felt the need to "AAAAHHHH" on the blog in an effort to keep goin :)
other things have been happenin, too...hope to write more about that soon.
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