learnin and money

now that the homestudy is over, we're tryin to work on a few other things...

the state of texas requires at least 8hrs of adoption education. most agencies require adoptive couples to attend an 8hr orientation seminar. these seminars qualify as the required education. adoption covenant, however, allows adoptive parents to complete the 8hrs on their own via the online route. there are numerous websites offering such education....and if you google 'adoption education,' a lot of what you'll find has to do w/the hague requirements. when folks adopt internationally, a whole other set of rules apply, among them the education mandates - and that's what the hague convention is about. however, since we're adopting domestically, state law governs.

we searched around a little, tryin to find the most affordable options...some places charge b/w $30-50/class per person. other places would let us both take the class for about $35/class. after all our searchin, we decided to go thru adoption learning partners, which was the site the adoption agency referred us to in the first place :). so we bought about 9hrs worth of classes and will start goin thru 'em today. i've heard good reports about some of these classes, and they seem worthwhile, so we're eager to start.

now that we've turned in an application, completed the homestudy, and paid a little bit of money, we're also startin to look into financial options. it's no secret that adoption is expensive. although josh and i have both been fortunate to complete our college educations debt-free (much thanks to mama and daddy on both sides!), and we've tried to work hard to be financially responsible, we simply don't have the thousands of dollars lyin around to foot this bill. we've worked really hard for probably...2-3 years now, to put back as much as we can for an adoption.... but 2-3 years isn't long enough to save enough w/everything else that's happened (a move, job changes, me goin back to school, etc).

what's been hard financially is that no one gets married and thinks "we may not be able to give birth to our children one day, so we better start savin like crazy so that we can adopt." most of us get married and just worry about the bills and puttin food on the table....and then cashin in the coin jar to go on vacation :). then you get out of school and get higher than minimum wage jobs and get another vehicle or buy your first house....then you start thinkin about havin babies, and you think about affording life post-birth - the diapers and clothes, etc....even in the midst of dreamin about kids, you don't think about the cost of adoption.

so it's only been in the last couple years that we've had to adjust ourselves around the idea of adoption...and only in the last couple months, adjust ourselves around the reality of adoption. and we're not complaining - the baby in our arms will be worth far more than the money spent....and at the same time, it doesn't come w/o some serious adjustments....financial changes, delays in some of our dreams....

fortunately, there are various ways to afford the costs. lots of places offer interest-free loans...others offer grants....still others encourage adoptive couples to have fundraisers.... josh and i decided long ago that we won't go into debt for an adoption...even if that meant waitin longer to sign up w/an agency, we wouldn't negate our years of hard work to turn around and take out a loan....but we have been lookin into some of the grants available. thus far, however, they all require a homestudy to be completed...along w/the documents to prove it. so as soon as we get a copy of the homestudy, we'll start fillin out applications and paperwork to see if we qualify for any grant money.

adoption covenant has put our picture and information on their website. josh isn't happy about the picture...but it's b/c we took them an actual picture, and they scanned it in...rather than havin a digital version. maybe we can work on that. anyway, if you want to look at, you can go here.

1047 - 1404

sorry it's taken so long to get this blog posted...lots of work, school deadlines, and a 10 year high school reunion have kept me busy...josh's last couple weeks have been busy preparing for, going to, and recovering from a long work weekend at possum kingdom lake over the holiday. glad we're both back home and in the routines of normal life.

so on w/the reporting....

if you haven't put 2 and 2 together yet, the title of the blog is the time frame during which the social worker was here. yep - 3hrs, 17min. let me assure you - there were no awkward silences, no bathroom breaks, and no time for relaxin. he walked in the front door talkin, and the last we heard his voice, he was closin his car door to head back to the city. the flow of the visit went somethin like this:

social worker introduction. josh and lindsey introduction. josh and lindsey answer the "how did yall arrive at the decision to adopt" question. the three of us discuss a few directly-adoption-related topics....such as how josh and i plan to handle the adoption story w/our kids...and the social worker (his name was brad, though he looked like russell campbell) would talk to us a little about the various decisions/behaviors/pursuits he's seen work and not work....like, readin books and educatin ourselves about age-appropriate disclosures...and the importance of an adoption-related scrapbook...and the availability and benefits of story books that talk about adoption. it was encouraging to talk about things like this....b/c the discussion was in the context of reality, of the recognition that this is actually happenin....it's not just an idea or a theory anymore...we're actually on the road toward adoption.

then the discussion headed into a more question and answer time....how our families and friends feel about our decision to adopt...what our beliefs are about discipline...what our academic expectations will be of our children...our financial stability (both in proportion to the adoption and in regard to our capability to afford children)...our expectations of parenthood - to which i responded, w/affection and longing delight streaming, "it'll ruin everything. we won't sleep. everything will be a mess." i then had to explain this a little, as brad seemed to be a rather literal person.

all of the above took about an hr and a half. straight thru. he kept askin questions, we kept answerin, and he filled several pages of yellow legal paper with thick, smeary blue ink.

he then directed one of us to leave....physically leave the room....out of ear shot....while the other stayed at the table and answered more questions. josh left first and went and drove around. i was nervous at first....but really, the questions he asked were mostly off the application...he just asked questions that expounded on those we'd already answered on paper - how we met, how i feel about josh, what i think about our marriage, how mama and daddy disciplined me, what my relationship was and is like w/my immediate family... then josh came back, i went into the back room, laid on the bed, and read the sunday paper.... each of these individual sessions took about half an hr.

then brad was ready to inspect the house. 'bout time! after all that time i spent straightenin up and wipin down! the inspection portion took about 30-45 min. he didn't comb thru everything w/a fine tooth comb...and he never whipped out a white glove... i was relieved to be over-prepared, though, rather than under-prepared. he asked about the guns and the ammo, and we told them where it all was, and that seemed to suffice. the dried bug skeletons were scarce...the mousetraps had been transferred to a locked cabinet.

then he headed outside....and he eventually made his way out to the barn. my heart quickened.... oh no!...it's not just hazardous back there - that whole place IS a hazard! kids, adults, pets beware. fortunately, he only looked around briefly and didn't seem overly concerned. he took a few pictures of the outside of the house, gathered his brief case, and got back in his gps-guided volvo and left.

we were exhausted. shoot....i'm kinda tired all over again, just writin about it.

the plan from here: it'll take him about 30 days-ish to write everything up. he'll send a copy to the agency, and then we'll get a copy (which should prove to be interesting). in the meantime, we do a couple more things here.... we need to complete our 8hrs of adoption education. we've bought about 9hrs of online seminars, so it's just a matter of sittin down and listenin to 'em. the other thing we do? wait.... wait for a phone call or an email....tellin us there's a young woman who's interested in meetin us.

to end on a lighter note....here are a couple of homestudy funnies that happened...enjoy!

- less than 5 minutes before brad arrived, i was rinsin out a cup in the kitchen...only to find the water pourin from the faucet was a cloudy yellow color. potability questionable.
- when asked what our beliefs were on discipline, josh joked, "we believe in electrocution." that didn't go over very well....brad just looked at him, blankly.
- so he decided to try again when asked how his parents disciplined him, "i was beaten severely." another blank stare. no laughter. no chucklin....except from me :)
- while brad was lookin around the entry way, josh went to open the cabinet door...behind which are various chemicals....and to which are attached those blasted kid-proof safety latches...you know - the ones that you can't see until you've jerked on the door, had your entire body jolted forward 1/2", and found yourself using inappropriate expletives to express your frustration? anyway...when josh went to open the cabinet door, the safety latch didn't catch...the door just swung wide open...josh's eyes about popped out of his head....fortunately, brad had his back turned and didn't see our faulty, non-kid-proof latch.

think that's all....

thanks for all your thoughts and prayers and well-wishes. it went well.

real quick

i'm sorry it's taken so long to let yall know how sunday went....and unfortunately, i don't have enough time to go into all the details this mornin. however, i can say briefly that it went well...not major hiccups, which was (and continues to be) relieving! we have a couple funny stories to share as well, of course! hopefully i'll have time to write more in the next couple days.

thanks for all the prayers!

40ish hours to go...

...before the social worker comes a-knockin...

it's a guy out of the fort worth area, which doesn't do a whole lot to allay our anxieties of the aforementioned country-ness of our house. we're curious as to what he'll say about the old deerborne stoves we have to heat the house. oh well. we called our wonderful landlords about the smoke and carbon monoxide detectors needed, and they brought them over w/in a few hours. we just love them....our landlords, that is. josh made a trip to the hardware store today and stocked up on outlet covers and cabinet door fasteners. he'll be busy tomorrow securing all guns and ammo...both of which have to be locked up....separately. if you know josh, you won't be surprised by the magnitude of this task. meanwhile, i'll be cleanin away...just normal cleanin stuff, really...it's just all gonna happen over the course of a few hours rather than my preferred method of a little here, a little there.

we have no idea what we'll talk about for three hours....but the more we think about it, the more anxious we get....both of us playin out what-if scenarios....makin a list of either things to not talk about, or tryin to figure out a way to talk about them truthfully and plainly.... for instance, josh is a game warden....he carries a loaded gun all the time. the potential (however slight) exists that a disgruntled ticket-recipient would show up at the house, so josh believes it's prudent to keep a weapon close by. we also live in the country....in texas. maybe it's not like this if you live in the country in....say....vermont....but in texas, you keep a gun handy for...well....any number of things....snakes and hogs....or bad guys. however, we get the feelin that our reasonings and cultural influences won't be received very well by the guy inspecting the safety and suitability of our home.

(if you're readin this is shocked and appalled by now.... well.... josh and i both grew up around guns...in a very healthy sort of way, actually. we were both taught from an early age about gun safety, etc.....and in retrospect, i appreciate that. daddy's guns were kept in the closet, and we watched him use them...so they weren't big, mysterious things that continually tempted us...they were just guns. and really, i think this approach is the best...take away the mystery of firearms, and they're used safely....)

movin on...

the old farmer who takes care of the land surrounding our house was out plowin today. josh talked to him for a while and told him about the homestudy hooplah. his response: "that's a bunch of %$#&* %$^*!" they should be payin yall to take a kid!" ya gotta love local support :)

so here we go. the social worker's supposed to be here b/w 1030-1100 sunday mornin. oh - josh asked him if he'd like to eat lunch w/us...."no. i can't" was the blunt response. which is quite unfortunate....we like eatin lunch.

and the countdown begins...

our homestudy is right around the corner... it's been moved to sunday for some scheduling reasons on the part of the social worker. sundays are actually a little easier for us b/c of josh's work schedule. we'll hear from the guy sometime this week for the exact time.

the monday afternoon we turned in our application to the agency, the lawyer/director/adoptive mom said "so i guess yall have heard the horror stories about homestudies, right? the dreaded 'white glove' visit?" we had kinda brushed up against such stories....not any first-hand-account nightmares, really...just the tone of voice and facial expressions associated w/the word...

the anxiety is justified, i think.

a stranger comes into your home. he will be in your home for 2-3 hrs. his job is evaluate you and your home, determining the suitability of parenthood. first of all, that's a long time w/a stranger in a non-crowd-setting. all sorts of things swirl around our minds, wonderin what there is to talk about for 3 hrs....wonderin what exactly the "home evaluation" entails. i mean, are we openin up the closets and hopin the clothes and bags stuffed inside don't escape and attack this poor man? are we lookin under the bed and taking a census of dust bunnies? what about the stacks of books we've collected just since movin in a year ago? i meticulously filled our bookshelves with both practical and decorative intentions...so the nursing texts i've bought since then don't fit...nor do any of the other books/magazines we've purchased or been given....so now the bookshelves have neat little stacks of books and magazines serving as fences around the bottom. and we live in the country....in a wonderful, old, rented farm house....emphasis on "old"...which means the windows are drafty, the wall paper in the bathroom is peelin due to the excessive humidity, bugs get in, and at the moment, we have a mousetrap on the kitchen counter. probably we'll get rid of that by sunday. oh, and i am married to a game warden who likes to hunt....so....yes, we have deer mounts in two different rooms of the house. let's hope this guy isn't a member of peta.

and let's really hope no white gloves are actually involved. even if i dust the mornin of his visit, if the wind blows, the plowed fields surrounding our house will completely negate my work.

since he'll be drivin such a long way, maybe i'll invite him to eat lunch w/us. there's somethin awkwardness-relieving when a table and food provide some casual distraction.

so even though we've been told not to worry, i don't know that i can stop entirely. i've already vacuumed the window sills and couches and emptied the crusty bug shells out of the light fixtures. when i realize the potential overreaction i'm exercising, i shrug it off by convincing myself a little late spring cleaning was in order anyway.

and you'll be shocked to know that josh is, at best i can tell, thoroughly un-worried.

appointments

we've completed one and scheduled another.

we had to make arrangements to go into wichita falls and have special fingerprints completed. in this increasingly digital world we live in, the old fashioned sink-stained fingerprint cards we already had didn't cut it. so we made a trip into town yesterday and got that done.

and we finally heard from the social worker. he works for the adoption agency on the side...and has a full-time job during the week, so our homestudy has to be done on a saturday. if we lived in lubbock, we might have been able to set it up sooner...but since the guy will have 6hrs of travel time to account for too, a saturday was the best option. unfortunately (in this situation), josh works every weekend....some weekends he's more flexible than others....but b/w josh's work schedule and the social worker's availability, the soonest time we could agree on is june 26th.

it's a little longer wait than we thought it would be/prefer it to be....but three weeks really isn't all that long.

that's all for now. gotta get to work.

so many options...

...for a good title. maybe "wreck"...and i'd talk about how i'm a wreck right now. or "interview and such"...and i'd tell you about the wonderful meeting we had monday....or "it just keeps comin"...and i'd try to explain the continued effort of gettin the right information to the right people....

hmmm....i always have a hard time decidin to write what i'm feelin/where we are in the moment vs. the events that are unfolding. the two are never mutually exclusive...but for the sake of time and blog space, it's better that i choose. i guess i'll start w/the reporting of events...

the interview monday went really well. i was anxious and stressed....josh was wound up and excited...and when we pulled into the parkin lot, we both got really quiet...and i think a little nauseated...kinda like we did the day we went to the dr's office for the fertility tx last summer...and like we did the moment before gettin out of the car to meet the birthmom back in january. fortunately, the waves of sickness passed quickly when we walked in and sat down.

there's really so much to tell from the hour and a half we were there....i could write individual blogs about all of it....the atmosphere and informality of it all....the wealth of information we obtained...the woman we talked to...how we felt....the two year-old russion adoptee tryin to eat pizza...

as far as information goes, we didn't learn a whole lot that we didn't already know, really....we just learned about the particulars of this agency...how they do things, how they handle the money, how they meet the birthmoms, their history, etc.

mingled throughout all of the information, we learned about adoption...and we felt understood...maybe for the first time. the woman who is the executive director of the agency is also the lawyer...and she's also an adoptive mother of two. both of her little girls are from russia....the youngest was havin lunch when we showed up, so we sat at the table w/the mother/director/lawyer and the cutest 2 yr old little girl w/pizza sauce from head to toe. she told us a little about her experiences....about her beliefs about adoption....her philosophy in runnin an adoption agency. it was nice to be w/someone who understood, who has been here...someone w/whom we could converse unedited....

there are so many things we think and feel that seem....mean and rude and ungrateful to the outside world....and so many things that others say that are unintentionally awful.... so it was relieving to sit w/someone who was honest and unoffended and not at all confused by our conflicting emotions.

we both felt really good about it....in the moment, sittin across the table from them...and afterward. so we handed over our manilla folder, bulging w/paper work and a check...a check that josh joked we should have put "arm and leg" in the memo line :)

so the process from there....

she goes thru the application....gives it to their social worker. the social worker contacts us to set up the homestudy...he comes to seymour and completes his part (another explanation for another blog)...then it's just a matter of time.

most of their birthmoms come in several months pregnant and eventually meet w/the adoptive couple. however, they sometimes get phone calls from hospitals sayin "we have a baby here available for adoption"....so really, we have no idea what our situation will look like.

so....yeah.... we've signed up w/an adoption agency. officially.

here we go....