books, of course

one of my earliest grandma memories is sittin on her floral couch, learnin how to read a book about a little sailboat. literary affection was planted early and planted deep. not surprisingly, reading material has been a frequently visited companion through these years of infertility and adoption. subscribing to an adoption magazine felt so monumental at the time....it was one of the first tangible expressions of our pursuit. the magazine has proven to be one of the most helpful guides around...and its accompanying website and online community have provided relief during those "we're the only ones goin thru this" days.

naturally, i've been lookin for a few specific adoption books....especially those that would help our kids (and any of our friends' kids or nieces and nephews) understand this crazy way of becoming a family. fortunately, the adoptive families magazine offers a yearly reading guide for us, so those reviews served as great starting blocks. i finally had time today to sit and read through those reviews, do some online shopping, and purchased a few:

a memoir written by an adoptive mother
an official parenting guide....eek!
a cute book about a spider lookin for her mama
one of the more popular children's book on adoption
and finally, a surprisingly sweet find about a mama fox and her baby fox

so...slowly but surely, we're truckin along...still guarding our hearts in light of the innate risk...but havin a hard time persuading ourselves to be patient...

i wore a pink shirt

yes, you read the title correctly - a pink shirt was on my torso intentionally...and stayed there for several hours.... what's more, the unfamiliar color was worn during our visit w/the birthmom. yep - i ventured into two foreign lands in one day....the land of pink shirts...and the land of meeting birthparents. admittedly almost too much for one day.

i have a closet full of shirts that are green and brown w/splashes of orange and an occasional drop of red...but somehow, they were all dirty....nearly a literal "all"...which i did not discover until the mornin of our visit....at which time it was too late to wash anything. don't think less (or more) of me yet - the new pink shirt was not my first choice. i tried a comfortably familiar shirt w/stripes of brown and green and hidden strips of pink...but w/the pants i wanted to wear, i just wasn't feelin it, ya know? w/all the swirly weight blowin this way and that, i wanted to wear somethin i was really comfortable in...not just ride-in-the-car-comfortable, but have-big-conversations comfortable...somethin that i wouldn't think about all day, wonderin if it looked ok....oh! and have i mentioned that the birthmom is really into fashion? yep. she wants to be a buyer...maybe some of yall know what that is w/o explanation....i didn't....but i've since been educated. so even though i'm not much of a change-17-times-kinda girl, it seemed unavoidable on that thursday mornin. different pants and different shirts and different shoes....so after havin 'pink shirt' float around in the back of my mind for a while, i finally pulled it out and put it on. for whatever reason, that was it.... it was hard to accept....but it did have some green and brown in the argyle pattern....plus, it's super soft....so the decision was made. i was wearin a pink shirt.

we left on time...which we were quite proud of...we're both at-home in the clothes adorning our bodies...and off we go...it wasn't until about 12 minutes later, when i was sheepishly baskin in i-can't-believe-i'm-wearin-pink thoughts that i looked over and realized josh was wearin a very red, very plaid starched shirt. WHAT?!?! after all my changin and worryin and bein proud of tryin somethin new, i completely forgot to think about what he was wearin. so we clashed. pretty bad actually.

fortunately, the birthmom didn't gag when she saw our pink and red shirts...she didn't even stare awkwardly....so maybe she was as unconcerned about our attire as we were about hers.

so that's all for this evenin. it just somehow seemed blog worthy....and i think this is a great place to stop....before i find another superfluous use for hyphens :)

an important timeline

friday, july 30th
- josh gets a call, tellin him to check his email
- josh checks his email, then returns the call
- josh then calls me...while i'm sittin on a broken down train at six flags
- we got "the Call"...a birthmother had selected us and wanted to meet

thursday, august 5
- 0800 - we left (on time!) for a most significant, most unnatural meeting
- 1200 - we meet her and her mother over lunch
- 1530 - we meet the birthfather
- after dark - finally get home....wiped out...

saturday, august 7 - thru - thursday, august 12
- enjoyin the kool mountain weather, mid-afternoon showers of mountain rain

friday, august 13
- received the written agreement from the agency....agreein to the real-life expenses of this whole thing, agreein to pay the figures on the paper, agreein that....if everything goes well....we'll be adopting a baby in december

tuesday, august 17
- finally deciding to just bite the bullet and find a way to blog about this
- so much as happened in the last two weeks....it seems as if every moment could have been an entire post....

and yes, of course we're excited....but we're also holdin our breath....it's not over until the t's are crossed, the i's are dotted, and a sweet baby is in our arms. i'll have some more time to write tomorrow...i just couldn't wait another day.

cashola

there are various organizations around the country that offer grants to help folks like us off-set the costs of adoption. we looked into these a couple months ago, but a completed homestudy is required for the application and subsequent consideration. the paperwork from our completed homestudy has officially been filed w/the agency, and we've received a copy as well. now that we've reached this point, we can begin applying for grants.

as with all grant money, the "granting" organization sets all sorts of criteria....for some, it's very specific to religious beliefs, financial income, and even the adoptive family's ethnic heritage. some differentiate b/w domestic and international adoption. some focus on older children or foster care kids or special needs situations. so the first round of grant applications is to find those that we'll qualify for...which is a little overwhelming for me. i'm not a natural researcher like my husband...or like some of yall readin this. the seemingly endless lists of links and numbers and details threatens my mind to explode and make a mess all over this computer. however, i don't really have the luxury of avoidance right now - josh is pretty busy, huntin season's right around the corner, and school's fixin to start up again...so we're sharin this responsibility as best we can...josh will do most of the research, findin grants we would qualify for, and i'll mostly work on fillin 'em out.

that's about it for now. just felt the need to "AAAAHHHH" on the blog in an effort to keep goin :)

other things have been happenin, too...hope to write more about that soon.

dreamin

i think most everyone dreams....in light of this and my own experience, i'm startin to think that there's a sort of dream-continuum. one end of the continuum is made of statements like "my dream car would be..." or "if i could have my dream house...." the other end is weightier - things that have eternal purpose, legacy-kinda impact...dreams of global proportion.

some could argue that the former end of the continuum consists of those that aren't really dreams....they're more like wishes and wants, and 99% of the time, i'd agree. afterall, wantin a slick car isn't quite equivalent to all nations worshipping The Lord. however, for the sake of this post, i'm groupin them all together in a general pile of "things that are not yet so."

from the time we're little, we're asked to answer all sorts of dream questions - if you could have a pet, what would you have? what do you want to be when you grow up? if you could live anywhere in the world, where you live? if you could sit down w/one person in all of history, who would that be? if you could do one adventurous thing, what would it be? if you could be good at one thing/have one superhero ability/speak any language/be in any movie/dream vacation spot.....ad nauseum? and how many times do these things actually come to fruition? not often. sometimes it's b/c we change...sometimes it's b/c The Lord changes us...it can be things we've done or things done to us... etc etc etc.... there are lots of people and lots of books out there discussing the need for big dreams and chasin after them w/all you've got - folks much more qualified and articulate than i....which is why that's not the trail i'm takin here.

the reason for these ramblings this mornin is this -- whether we want to admit it or not, i think most of us have lists of things we'd rather have....things that comprise our own dream continuums...and then we live w/o them. we just learn to live w/what we've got and keep goin. sometimes this is good, i think...even best. we learn to appreciate Grace and Life in ways we previously couldn't even recognize. other times, it's b/c we've sold ourselves short...settled...given into normalcy. still other times, i don't know if it's good or bad or neither...but it's kinda the way it is. you want somethin for so long and then learn to live w/o it for so long that it eventually gets shelved on the things-i'll-want-but-never-have.

and that's how havin children feels to me right now.

we keep pluggin along....talkin about it from time to time...readin our adoption magazine...answerin questions from folks who know about it...plannin things financially in light of adoption costs....but when it comes right down to it, it's hard for me to fully believe it will actually happen. as best i can tell, i'm not angry or hopeless or full of despair.....i simply don't have any real-life, tangible experience to tell me anything different will happen than what's happened thus far. talkin about kids and envisioning a house full of little feet and little clothes and big messes feels as realistically possible as...well...anything else on my dream continuum.

learnin and money

now that the homestudy is over, we're tryin to work on a few other things...

the state of texas requires at least 8hrs of adoption education. most agencies require adoptive couples to attend an 8hr orientation seminar. these seminars qualify as the required education. adoption covenant, however, allows adoptive parents to complete the 8hrs on their own via the online route. there are numerous websites offering such education....and if you google 'adoption education,' a lot of what you'll find has to do w/the hague requirements. when folks adopt internationally, a whole other set of rules apply, among them the education mandates - and that's what the hague convention is about. however, since we're adopting domestically, state law governs.

we searched around a little, tryin to find the most affordable options...some places charge b/w $30-50/class per person. other places would let us both take the class for about $35/class. after all our searchin, we decided to go thru adoption learning partners, which was the site the adoption agency referred us to in the first place :). so we bought about 9hrs worth of classes and will start goin thru 'em today. i've heard good reports about some of these classes, and they seem worthwhile, so we're eager to start.

now that we've turned in an application, completed the homestudy, and paid a little bit of money, we're also startin to look into financial options. it's no secret that adoption is expensive. although josh and i have both been fortunate to complete our college educations debt-free (much thanks to mama and daddy on both sides!), and we've tried to work hard to be financially responsible, we simply don't have the thousands of dollars lyin around to foot this bill. we've worked really hard for probably...2-3 years now, to put back as much as we can for an adoption.... but 2-3 years isn't long enough to save enough w/everything else that's happened (a move, job changes, me goin back to school, etc).

what's been hard financially is that no one gets married and thinks "we may not be able to give birth to our children one day, so we better start savin like crazy so that we can adopt." most of us get married and just worry about the bills and puttin food on the table....and then cashin in the coin jar to go on vacation :). then you get out of school and get higher than minimum wage jobs and get another vehicle or buy your first house....then you start thinkin about havin babies, and you think about affording life post-birth - the diapers and clothes, etc....even in the midst of dreamin about kids, you don't think about the cost of adoption.

so it's only been in the last couple years that we've had to adjust ourselves around the idea of adoption...and only in the last couple months, adjust ourselves around the reality of adoption. and we're not complaining - the baby in our arms will be worth far more than the money spent....and at the same time, it doesn't come w/o some serious adjustments....financial changes, delays in some of our dreams....

fortunately, there are various ways to afford the costs. lots of places offer interest-free loans...others offer grants....still others encourage adoptive couples to have fundraisers.... josh and i decided long ago that we won't go into debt for an adoption...even if that meant waitin longer to sign up w/an agency, we wouldn't negate our years of hard work to turn around and take out a loan....but we have been lookin into some of the grants available. thus far, however, they all require a homestudy to be completed...along w/the documents to prove it. so as soon as we get a copy of the homestudy, we'll start fillin out applications and paperwork to see if we qualify for any grant money.

adoption covenant has put our picture and information on their website. josh isn't happy about the picture...but it's b/c we took them an actual picture, and they scanned it in...rather than havin a digital version. maybe we can work on that. anyway, if you want to look at, you can go here.

1047 - 1404

sorry it's taken so long to get this blog posted...lots of work, school deadlines, and a 10 year high school reunion have kept me busy...josh's last couple weeks have been busy preparing for, going to, and recovering from a long work weekend at possum kingdom lake over the holiday. glad we're both back home and in the routines of normal life.

so on w/the reporting....

if you haven't put 2 and 2 together yet, the title of the blog is the time frame during which the social worker was here. yep - 3hrs, 17min. let me assure you - there were no awkward silences, no bathroom breaks, and no time for relaxin. he walked in the front door talkin, and the last we heard his voice, he was closin his car door to head back to the city. the flow of the visit went somethin like this:

social worker introduction. josh and lindsey introduction. josh and lindsey answer the "how did yall arrive at the decision to adopt" question. the three of us discuss a few directly-adoption-related topics....such as how josh and i plan to handle the adoption story w/our kids...and the social worker (his name was brad, though he looked like russell campbell) would talk to us a little about the various decisions/behaviors/pursuits he's seen work and not work....like, readin books and educatin ourselves about age-appropriate disclosures...and the importance of an adoption-related scrapbook...and the availability and benefits of story books that talk about adoption. it was encouraging to talk about things like this....b/c the discussion was in the context of reality, of the recognition that this is actually happenin....it's not just an idea or a theory anymore...we're actually on the road toward adoption.

then the discussion headed into a more question and answer time....how our families and friends feel about our decision to adopt...what our beliefs are about discipline...what our academic expectations will be of our children...our financial stability (both in proportion to the adoption and in regard to our capability to afford children)...our expectations of parenthood - to which i responded, w/affection and longing delight streaming, "it'll ruin everything. we won't sleep. everything will be a mess." i then had to explain this a little, as brad seemed to be a rather literal person.

all of the above took about an hr and a half. straight thru. he kept askin questions, we kept answerin, and he filled several pages of yellow legal paper with thick, smeary blue ink.

he then directed one of us to leave....physically leave the room....out of ear shot....while the other stayed at the table and answered more questions. josh left first and went and drove around. i was nervous at first....but really, the questions he asked were mostly off the application...he just asked questions that expounded on those we'd already answered on paper - how we met, how i feel about josh, what i think about our marriage, how mama and daddy disciplined me, what my relationship was and is like w/my immediate family... then josh came back, i went into the back room, laid on the bed, and read the sunday paper.... each of these individual sessions took about half an hr.

then brad was ready to inspect the house. 'bout time! after all that time i spent straightenin up and wipin down! the inspection portion took about 30-45 min. he didn't comb thru everything w/a fine tooth comb...and he never whipped out a white glove... i was relieved to be over-prepared, though, rather than under-prepared. he asked about the guns and the ammo, and we told them where it all was, and that seemed to suffice. the dried bug skeletons were scarce...the mousetraps had been transferred to a locked cabinet.

then he headed outside....and he eventually made his way out to the barn. my heart quickened.... oh no!...it's not just hazardous back there - that whole place IS a hazard! kids, adults, pets beware. fortunately, he only looked around briefly and didn't seem overly concerned. he took a few pictures of the outside of the house, gathered his brief case, and got back in his gps-guided volvo and left.

we were exhausted. shoot....i'm kinda tired all over again, just writin about it.

the plan from here: it'll take him about 30 days-ish to write everything up. he'll send a copy to the agency, and then we'll get a copy (which should prove to be interesting). in the meantime, we do a couple more things here.... we need to complete our 8hrs of adoption education. we've bought about 9hrs of online seminars, so it's just a matter of sittin down and listenin to 'em. the other thing we do? wait.... wait for a phone call or an email....tellin us there's a young woman who's interested in meetin us.

to end on a lighter note....here are a couple of homestudy funnies that happened...enjoy!

- less than 5 minutes before brad arrived, i was rinsin out a cup in the kitchen...only to find the water pourin from the faucet was a cloudy yellow color. potability questionable.
- when asked what our beliefs were on discipline, josh joked, "we believe in electrocution." that didn't go over very well....brad just looked at him, blankly.
- so he decided to try again when asked how his parents disciplined him, "i was beaten severely." another blank stare. no laughter. no chucklin....except from me :)
- while brad was lookin around the entry way, josh went to open the cabinet door...behind which are various chemicals....and to which are attached those blasted kid-proof safety latches...you know - the ones that you can't see until you've jerked on the door, had your entire body jolted forward 1/2", and found yourself using inappropriate expletives to express your frustration? anyway...when josh went to open the cabinet door, the safety latch didn't catch...the door just swung wide open...josh's eyes about popped out of his head....fortunately, brad had his back turned and didn't see our faulty, non-kid-proof latch.

think that's all....

thanks for all your thoughts and prayers and well-wishes. it went well.