the lawyer and the letter

can't believe it's been over six weeks since that last blog... i can't go on w/o thankin everyone for your prayers, your encouragement, and your sincerity...so thank you...we're grateful for you and appreciate you hopin for us...

not a whole lot has happened, actually. josh was the last one to speak w/the birthmother. he was very calm and wise and encouraged her (and me) to just take a few weeks to breathe...to give the dad time to think about it...and reminded her that takin care of herself for the baby's sake was the most important thing to do. she was agreeable to the waiting and to the breathing....

and then he called the lawyer. the lawyer was very honest, which we appreciated. long story short, his counsel was "i tell anyone in this situation to cut their losses and run." not exactly what we were hopin for, but again, we appreciated his honesty. then he went on to explain -- the fight may not be worth it if the worst case scenario is possible....that being the mom relinquishes her rights to us, and we're given custody of the baby...but then the dad contests, and the judge gives him a period of time to "prove himself" via child support and health insurance coverage, etc...and if the dad lives up to it, regardless of his past or of his future, the court system will have no legal grounds to deny him his parental rights to the baby. so in the end, the mom has signed over her rights and doesn't get the baby...josh and i don't get the baby...and the baby ends up w/only the dad...

he went on to advise josh -- "at the end of two years of battlin in court, you've spent way more than you would have goin to an adoption agency in the first place...but ya know, the money wouldn't be the worst part...the worst part would be hearin that judge give the dad the rights to the baby and havin to give up the baby you've loved and fought for for two years. and i don't think you want to do that do your wife." i think about all josh was able to muster at that point was a solemn "no, sir, i don't."

but he also encouraged josh....told him he's seen cases like this where the dad contests b/c of a dysfunctional relationship w/the mom...and not necessarily b/c he has any vested interest in the baby...so he said if he were in our situation, he would write the dad a letter...tell him a little bit about ourselves...and maybe that would turn the tide....after all, we don't have anything to lose...

so minimized on this computer screen tonite is a letter...

a letter to a man we've never met. a man we don't know much about. a man who has fathered a baby we anticipated to be ours. a man who may or may not like nurses or law enforcement guys. a man who may or may not even read it. a man we're hopin will make a decision in the best interest of an unborn baby boy. a man whose change of heart could change our lives, and the lives of a lot of other people...for always....

i'm not real sure how this will all play out...if we'll hear anything back at all...so writin the letter and mailin it doesn't really change anything...it doesn't change the unknown or the uncertainty of the wait....doesn't change this strange place of bein afraid to hope and bein afraid not to...

but if there's at all a chance that it will change anything....that it will turn the tide...then we can't not do it....

in the meantime.... we just keep on keepin on...one day at a time....