details details

computers and the internet, among other purposes, serve as constantly and easily available distractions from legitimately necessary tasks.....for instance, studyin...

i really don't have much of an idea as to who reads this blog or how often....but in case there's anyone out there reading this, who i don't talk to on a regular basis or who i don't frequently exchange emails with, i thought a quick 'detail blog' might be appreciated.

the intricacies of adoption and the process of deciding on an agency are pretty foreign details to most folks....so there may be someone who's wondering what it is exactly that we're sifting through, what kinds of questions we're asking of these agencies. so....

(in no particular order....)

state law requires (at least) two things before a family can adopt: at least 8hrs of adoption education and a home study. most agencies require the adoptive couple to attend an 8hr orientation class that they present. a few agencies allow the couple to complete 8hrs of approved education/training elsewhere - thru other agencies or thru online opportunities.

the home study is a pretty involved process. it entails a licensed social worker coming into your home and checkin things out. this involves an evaluation of the safety and suitability of the house itself. it also involves an extensive interview. all the agencies we've looked into require at least 2 visits -- either both visits prior to the adoption or a visit before the adoption and then a post-placement visit a few weeks after the adoption....to make sure everything's goin okay.

our biggest concern in this facet of the process is proximity. if a particular educational class is required, we have to factor in the money and time necessary for us to attend. it should also be noted that these required classes are not offered terribly often. some agencies offer the class once a year....others it's once a quarter...and still others it's more on an as-needed basis. the home study isn't as difficult to consider in terms of scheduling, but there are some considerations....since we live in the middle of nowhere, we will incur additional expense for the social worker having to travel. some agencies also charge an "out of area fee" in addition to the traveling expenses.

this has led quite nicely into the money part of this decision :). adoption isn't cheap, needless to say. gosh...i could write an entire blog or more just on the details of fees and such....let me see if i can be brief....

every agency charges for their services -- these services are often broken down into the cost of the home study, legal fees, and placement fees (basically the leg work of connecting the birthmom to the adoptive parents). these costs are set and for the most part, don't seem to differ substantially among agencies....at least not the ones we're lookin' at.

there is some variability, though. that variability lies within each birthmom's situation. if she's a teenager from a middle-class home and is still on her parents' insurance, then she doesn't need a lot of help from the agency. if, however, she isn't that fortunate, she may need some help through the pregnancy - everything from help w/the doctor's bills to utilities and food and rent. the way an agency decides to handle this variability seems to be what dictates the cost to the adoptive parent.

we've found agencies handle this in two ways:
1. take an average of the total cost of their adoptions and charge every adoptive couple the same amount, regardless of how much help your particular birthmom needs.
2. charge a minimum fee (their service fee) and then any additional fees the agency assumes responsibility for in helping the birthmom through the pregnancy. often times, the agency will have a maximum possible fee.

obviously, there are advantages and disadvantages to both ways.... for us, though, it's a question of risk. what was it daddy used to say? he wasn't made out of money? money didn't grow on trees? well that's for dang sure! with the minimum-maximum fee, for instance, i found an agency the other day that charged $15,000 min to....are you ready?...$37,000 maximum. yes - i meant to type all three zeroes. so figurin' out exactly how an agency handles the cost of their services is a big part of this sifting process for us. we simply cannot commit to an agency, hoping for $15,000 but risking $37,000. like daddy, neither we nor our plants are made out of money.

then there are all sorts of agency policies to consider and wade thru....do they require open adoptions? only closed adoptions? what about the dad factor? how do they manage those situations? do we get to meet the birthmom beforehand? how do they handle the birth itself - do we take the baby home from the hospital? or is the baby given to an agency representative until all the papers are signed? -- there are so many logistical angles to consider...

and finally....the part that's much more difficult to articulate...siftin thru how our hearts and spirits and minds respond to the information, the options, and the possibilities. we don't want this decision to be determined by mere convenience of location and cost...and we also realize there won't be a perfect agency w/which we agree on every detail... so we wait, as patiently as possible, and let the whirlwind of emails and questions and applications slow....and hopefully in a few days, the dust will settle, and we'll choose.