so many options...

...for a good title. maybe "wreck"...and i'd talk about how i'm a wreck right now. or "interview and such"...and i'd tell you about the wonderful meeting we had monday....or "it just keeps comin"...and i'd try to explain the continued effort of gettin the right information to the right people....

hmmm....i always have a hard time decidin to write what i'm feelin/where we are in the moment vs. the events that are unfolding. the two are never mutually exclusive...but for the sake of time and blog space, it's better that i choose. i guess i'll start w/the reporting of events...

the interview monday went really well. i was anxious and stressed....josh was wound up and excited...and when we pulled into the parkin lot, we both got really quiet...and i think a little nauseated...kinda like we did the day we went to the dr's office for the fertility tx last summer...and like we did the moment before gettin out of the car to meet the birthmom back in january. fortunately, the waves of sickness passed quickly when we walked in and sat down.

there's really so much to tell from the hour and a half we were there....i could write individual blogs about all of it....the atmosphere and informality of it all....the wealth of information we obtained...the woman we talked to...how we felt....the two year-old russion adoptee tryin to eat pizza...

as far as information goes, we didn't learn a whole lot that we didn't already know, really....we just learned about the particulars of this agency...how they do things, how they handle the money, how they meet the birthmoms, their history, etc.

mingled throughout all of the information, we learned about adoption...and we felt understood...maybe for the first time. the woman who is the executive director of the agency is also the lawyer...and she's also an adoptive mother of two. both of her little girls are from russia....the youngest was havin lunch when we showed up, so we sat at the table w/the mother/director/lawyer and the cutest 2 yr old little girl w/pizza sauce from head to toe. she told us a little about her experiences....about her beliefs about adoption....her philosophy in runnin an adoption agency. it was nice to be w/someone who understood, who has been here...someone w/whom we could converse unedited....

there are so many things we think and feel that seem....mean and rude and ungrateful to the outside world....and so many things that others say that are unintentionally awful.... so it was relieving to sit w/someone who was honest and unoffended and not at all confused by our conflicting emotions.

we both felt really good about it....in the moment, sittin across the table from them...and afterward. so we handed over our manilla folder, bulging w/paper work and a check...a check that josh joked we should have put "arm and leg" in the memo line :)

so the process from there....

she goes thru the application....gives it to their social worker. the social worker contacts us to set up the homestudy...he comes to seymour and completes his part (another explanation for another blog)...then it's just a matter of time.

most of their birthmoms come in several months pregnant and eventually meet w/the adoptive couple. however, they sometimes get phone calls from hospitals sayin "we have a baby here available for adoption"....so really, we have no idea what our situation will look like.

so....yeah.... we've signed up w/an adoption agency. officially.

here we go....