the last bit from the hospital

wow....where to start....

right now, at about 2pm, is the first time riley layne has not been in our arms since we got home :). she's asleep in the other room...though we're checkin on her ever 2 minutes...

our lives will never be the same. in so many ways....

and like i said, i'm not sure where to start. i hope to have some time to unwind this crazy story of ours a little bit. those last couple hours at the hospital...the first few hours here at home...and what it's been like to have a baby :)

i can't go on, though, w/o tryin to express our deep and profound gratitude for yall's enduring prayers and presence w/us. whether you've been trekkin w/us for years or just a few months, this isn't a road we could have gone down alone....certainly not the last bend or two. from the farthest reaches of our hearts, thank you. our joy is greater b/c you've shared in the struggle.

the few hours following the last hospital post, life was a whirlwind of emotions. our families waited downstairs in the waitin room while josh and i paced back and forth in the hospital room. we could heard the door open and close next door...we'd look at the clock every couple minutes. we'd stop, try to talk a little...though our talkin was whispery and tearful. then we'd pace some more. the first knock on our door was a little bit before 2pm. the hospital's social worker came in and told us the birthmother had signed the papers givin us permission to have the baby on discharge. i really thought the social worker could hear my heart poundin in my chest :). she left, then we went back to pacin....barely breathin.

we looked out the window of that hospital room. it was one of those times that you think "i'll remember every single detail of this entire thing for the rest of my life - right down to the color of the house across the street." of course that isn't the case...but the hypervigilance in which we were existin made me think so. meanwhile, the door to the birthmother's room kept openin and closin...

then, at 2:10pm, the agency's social worker walked in and said, "congratulations! yall are parents." we paused, looked at each other, teared up a little, and breathed deeply. she explained how the next few minutes would play out - we'd sign our share of the paperwork, the birthgrandmother would bring riley to us, and we'd wait for the birthmother to leave the hospital first (per her request). as we moved to the other side of the room to work on the paperwork, we realized our families were downstairs...and we didn't want the birthmother to have to walk past them on our way out. turns out, the birthgrandmother had the same thought. so our families came up to the room. i was still feelin pretty fragile...and when they came into the room, the women teary-eyed and the men w/softened faces, my own tears began wellin up again.

we signed probably 1/2 dozen pieces of paper. then the social worker left, we gave our families hugs and cried... then the social worker came back in and said the birthmother wanted us to come into her room to get riley. we looked at each other, took a deep breath, and made the long, dazed walk next door.

when we walked in, the birthmother had riley in her arms, talkin to her and swayin back and forth. the birthgrandmother was warm and smiled gently when we walked in. we talked for a couple of minutes. the birthmother told us she had told riley to be a good girl for us. josh again assured her that we'd send pictures and letters as often as they wanted. i hugged the birthgrandmother and managed, through tears and breathlessness, a "thank you." then the birthmother looked at me and handed riley layne into my arms. the tears rolled down my face. we told the birthmother we hoped she rested...and told them to take care. we turned and walked out of the room. a few steps later, w/riley tucked snuggly against me, i buried my face in josh's chest and cried and cried....

we walked back into the room where our families were waitin...josh spoke for us since words were nowhere to be found by me, and announced that riley layne was ours....