computers and the internet, among other purposes, serve as constantly and easily available distractions from legitimately necessary tasks.....for instance, studyin...
i really don't have much of an idea as to who reads this blog or how often....but in case there's anyone out there reading this, who i don't talk to on a regular basis or who i don't frequently exchange emails with, i thought a quick 'detail blog' might be appreciated.
the intricacies of adoption and the process of deciding on an agency are pretty foreign details to most folks....so there may be someone who's wondering what it is exactly that we're sifting through, what kinds of questions we're asking of these agencies. so....
(in no particular order....)
state law requires (at least) two things before a family can adopt: at least 8hrs of adoption education and a home study. most agencies require the adoptive couple to attend an 8hr orientation class that they present. a few agencies allow the couple to complete 8hrs of approved education/training elsewhere - thru other agencies or thru online opportunities.
the home study is a pretty involved process. it entails a licensed social worker coming into your home and checkin things out. this involves an evaluation of the safety and suitability of the house itself. it also involves an extensive interview. all the agencies we've looked into require at least 2 visits -- either both visits prior to the adoption or a visit before the adoption and then a post-placement visit a few weeks after the adoption....to make sure everything's goin okay.
our biggest concern in this facet of the process is proximity. if a particular educational class is required, we have to factor in the money and time necessary for us to attend. it should also be noted that these required classes are not offered terribly often. some agencies offer the class once a year....others it's once a quarter...and still others it's more on an as-needed basis. the home study isn't as difficult to consider in terms of scheduling, but there are some considerations....since we live in the middle of nowhere, we will incur additional expense for the social worker having to travel. some agencies also charge an "out of area fee" in addition to the traveling expenses.
this has led quite nicely into the money part of this decision :). adoption isn't cheap, needless to say. gosh...i could write an entire blog or more just on the details of fees and such....let me see if i can be brief....
every agency charges for their services -- these services are often broken down into the cost of the home study, legal fees, and placement fees (basically the leg work of connecting the birthmom to the adoptive parents). these costs are set and for the most part, don't seem to differ substantially among agencies....at least not the ones we're lookin' at.
there is some variability, though. that variability lies within each birthmom's situation. if she's a teenager from a middle-class home and is still on her parents' insurance, then she doesn't need a lot of help from the agency. if, however, she isn't that fortunate, she may need some help through the pregnancy - everything from help w/the doctor's bills to utilities and food and rent. the way an agency decides to handle this variability seems to be what dictates the cost to the adoptive parent.
we've found agencies handle this in two ways:
1. take an average of the total cost of their adoptions and charge every adoptive couple the same amount, regardless of how much help your particular birthmom needs.
2. charge a minimum fee (their service fee) and then any additional fees the agency assumes responsibility for in helping the birthmom through the pregnancy. often times, the agency will have a maximum possible fee.
obviously, there are advantages and disadvantages to both ways.... for us, though, it's a question of risk. what was it daddy used to say? he wasn't made out of money? money didn't grow on trees? well that's for dang sure! with the minimum-maximum fee, for instance, i found an agency the other day that charged $15,000 min to....are you ready?...$37,000 maximum. yes - i meant to type all three zeroes. so figurin' out exactly how an agency handles the cost of their services is a big part of this sifting process for us. we simply cannot commit to an agency, hoping for $15,000 but risking $37,000. like daddy, neither we nor our plants are made out of money.
then there are all sorts of agency policies to consider and wade thru....do they require open adoptions? only closed adoptions? what about the dad factor? how do they manage those situations? do we get to meet the birthmom beforehand? how do they handle the birth itself - do we take the baby home from the hospital? or is the baby given to an agency representative until all the papers are signed? -- there are so many logistical angles to consider...
and finally....the part that's much more difficult to articulate...siftin thru how our hearts and spirits and minds respond to the information, the options, and the possibilities. we don't want this decision to be determined by mere convenience of location and cost...and we also realize there won't be a perfect agency w/which we agree on every detail... so we wait, as patiently as possible, and let the whirlwind of emails and questions and applications slow....and hopefully in a few days, the dust will settle, and we'll choose.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
returns
it seems as if returns have been the theme around here the last few days....
the first return
the sonogram pictures have been returned to the birthmother....as have the pictures of her family she gave us the first time we met...we hope she is well and surrounded by people who will love and support her with the birth of her baby boy in a few weeks.
though the boxin up of these things, writin the note, and goin to the post office weren't enjoyable, it was good to find some finality in it all. our hearts aren't sealed w/hope yet....but in the few days since the post office, we've had good conversations and been able to keep movin forward.
the second return
a few days ago, we began again the process of findin an adoption agency. we've dabbled in this process here and there the last year and a half or so... i think our attitude was a little different then, though. i think those months were filled w/a lingering sense of "if we just wait long enough, we'll get pregnant...." so the websites we read and the conversations we had were mostly informational....our minds could only walk around the edges of this land called 'adoption'....while our hearts' attentions stayed turned toward pregnancy.
but now, things are different. we're different, i think. life has changed and kept movin....and we've done what we've known to do to keep up.
as best we know, keepin up today means findin an adoption agency... so we've looked at websites, emailed a couple friends, and contacted about 1/2 dozen agencies. we've heard back from most of them and are tryin to sift through all the relevant details in order to decide which agency we want to commit to. if you're interested and have some spare time, here are the websites of some of the agencies we've contacted:
http://www.specialdeliveryadoptions.org
http://www.livalt.org
http://www.adoptioncovenant.org/
http://www.inheritanceadoptions.org/
http://adoptionsbygladney.com/index.html
one day at a time...exchanging emails w/these agencies....and siftin thru the details, the processes, and the ways our hearts and spirits respond...
at the moment, we have one pre-application questionnaire and one application sittin on our dinin room table....and another application in pdf format saved in the computer.... all blank...mostly b/c completing any of them will involve a fairly significant investment of our time and our trembling hearts.... hopefully the next few days will bring some answers to the questions we've asked these agencies, and we can decide which application/questionnaire we want to complete.
deep breath.... and join nemo...."just keep swimming....just keep swimming..."
the first return
the sonogram pictures have been returned to the birthmother....as have the pictures of her family she gave us the first time we met...we hope she is well and surrounded by people who will love and support her with the birth of her baby boy in a few weeks.
though the boxin up of these things, writin the note, and goin to the post office weren't enjoyable, it was good to find some finality in it all. our hearts aren't sealed w/hope yet....but in the few days since the post office, we've had good conversations and been able to keep movin forward.
the second return
a few days ago, we began again the process of findin an adoption agency. we've dabbled in this process here and there the last year and a half or so... i think our attitude was a little different then, though. i think those months were filled w/a lingering sense of "if we just wait long enough, we'll get pregnant...." so the websites we read and the conversations we had were mostly informational....our minds could only walk around the edges of this land called 'adoption'....while our hearts' attentions stayed turned toward pregnancy.
but now, things are different. we're different, i think. life has changed and kept movin....and we've done what we've known to do to keep up.
as best we know, keepin up today means findin an adoption agency... so we've looked at websites, emailed a couple friends, and contacted about 1/2 dozen agencies. we've heard back from most of them and are tryin to sift through all the relevant details in order to decide which agency we want to commit to. if you're interested and have some spare time, here are the websites of some of the agencies we've contacted:
http://www.specialdeliveryadoptions.org
http://www.livalt.org
http://www.adoptioncovenant.org/
http://www.inheritanceadoptions.org/
http://adoptionsbygladney.com/index.html
one day at a time...exchanging emails w/these agencies....and siftin thru the details, the processes, and the ways our hearts and spirits respond...
at the moment, we have one pre-application questionnaire and one application sittin on our dinin room table....and another application in pdf format saved in the computer.... all blank...mostly b/c completing any of them will involve a fairly significant investment of our time and our trembling hearts.... hopefully the next few days will bring some answers to the questions we've asked these agencies, and we can decide which application/questionnaire we want to complete.
deep breath.... and join nemo...."just keep swimming....just keep swimming..."
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
unexpected
the last blog was a brief update of the last few weeks....and then some words about the letter we had written to the father...at that time, it was minimized on this computer...
...it's now saved as a word document somewhere in the bowels of this machine. it never made it to the printer....into an envelope....through the united states postal service system...and into the hands of the birthfather.
josh and i had an agreement -- i would write the letter, and he would call the birthmother. we had to call her for the birthfather's mailin address. we wanted to call her and tell her what the lawyer had said, check on her, and make sure it was okay that we sent the letter. josh called in the mornin and caught her at work...she answered the phone and said she'd call back.
she hasn't.
can't say we're terribly surprised. a lot has happened in her life since we met her back in january. people in her community have come alongside her and supported her in some much-needed ways...provided for her and her kids...and believe she can grow into a better life than the one she's had.
so maybe she's changed her mind b/c of the change in circumstance.... maybe when she talked to the birthfather, and he said no (to the adoption), she gave up on the chance for adoption.... maybe she's determined her heart to keep and love and raise this baby... regardless of her motivation, a lot of time has passed since we last spoke...at least a lot of time relative to her pregnancy....and as the one w/the baby in her womb, she began workin toward bein the best mother she can be rather than waitin around for the birthfather to change his mind. the situation is what it is for her....and we believe she's tryin to turn things around, tryin to make the best of it.
and we're glad for her. we really are. josh said from the beginnin "she has the heart of a mother but doesn't always have the head (of a mother)." hopefully w/the support she has now, she can make better decisions and raise her children as they need to be raised. she's a brave, determined, strong young woman...
we don't expect to hear from her. but this isn't what we were expectin.
it's gettin close to bedtime.... josh and i have had a really good day together... yesterday was our 7th anniversary :) ... and i think the best thing for tonite is to leave it at that.
good nite.
...it's now saved as a word document somewhere in the bowels of this machine. it never made it to the printer....into an envelope....through the united states postal service system...and into the hands of the birthfather.
josh and i had an agreement -- i would write the letter, and he would call the birthmother. we had to call her for the birthfather's mailin address. we wanted to call her and tell her what the lawyer had said, check on her, and make sure it was okay that we sent the letter. josh called in the mornin and caught her at work...she answered the phone and said she'd call back.
she hasn't.
can't say we're terribly surprised. a lot has happened in her life since we met her back in january. people in her community have come alongside her and supported her in some much-needed ways...provided for her and her kids...and believe she can grow into a better life than the one she's had.
so maybe she's changed her mind b/c of the change in circumstance.... maybe when she talked to the birthfather, and he said no (to the adoption), she gave up on the chance for adoption.... maybe she's determined her heart to keep and love and raise this baby... regardless of her motivation, a lot of time has passed since we last spoke...at least a lot of time relative to her pregnancy....and as the one w/the baby in her womb, she began workin toward bein the best mother she can be rather than waitin around for the birthfather to change his mind. the situation is what it is for her....and we believe she's tryin to turn things around, tryin to make the best of it.
and we're glad for her. we really are. josh said from the beginnin "she has the heart of a mother but doesn't always have the head (of a mother)." hopefully w/the support she has now, she can make better decisions and raise her children as they need to be raised. she's a brave, determined, strong young woman...
we don't expect to hear from her. but this isn't what we were expectin.
it's gettin close to bedtime.... josh and i have had a really good day together... yesterday was our 7th anniversary :) ... and i think the best thing for tonite is to leave it at that.
good nite.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
the lawyer and the letter
can't believe it's been over six weeks since that last blog... i can't go on w/o thankin everyone for your prayers, your encouragement, and your sincerity...so thank you...we're grateful for you and appreciate you hopin for us...
not a whole lot has happened, actually. josh was the last one to speak w/the birthmother. he was very calm and wise and encouraged her (and me) to just take a few weeks to breathe...to give the dad time to think about it...and reminded her that takin care of herself for the baby's sake was the most important thing to do. she was agreeable to the waiting and to the breathing....
and then he called the lawyer. the lawyer was very honest, which we appreciated. long story short, his counsel was "i tell anyone in this situation to cut their losses and run." not exactly what we were hopin for, but again, we appreciated his honesty. then he went on to explain -- the fight may not be worth it if the worst case scenario is possible....that being the mom relinquishes her rights to us, and we're given custody of the baby...but then the dad contests, and the judge gives him a period of time to "prove himself" via child support and health insurance coverage, etc...and if the dad lives up to it, regardless of his past or of his future, the court system will have no legal grounds to deny him his parental rights to the baby. so in the end, the mom has signed over her rights and doesn't get the baby...josh and i don't get the baby...and the baby ends up w/only the dad...
he went on to advise josh -- "at the end of two years of battlin in court, you've spent way more than you would have goin to an adoption agency in the first place...but ya know, the money wouldn't be the worst part...the worst part would be hearin that judge give the dad the rights to the baby and havin to give up the baby you've loved and fought for for two years. and i don't think you want to do that do your wife." i think about all josh was able to muster at that point was a solemn "no, sir, i don't."
but he also encouraged josh....told him he's seen cases like this where the dad contests b/c of a dysfunctional relationship w/the mom...and not necessarily b/c he has any vested interest in the baby...so he said if he were in our situation, he would write the dad a letter...tell him a little bit about ourselves...and maybe that would turn the tide....after all, we don't have anything to lose...
so minimized on this computer screen tonite is a letter...
a letter to a man we've never met. a man we don't know much about. a man who has fathered a baby we anticipated to be ours. a man who may or may not like nurses or law enforcement guys. a man who may or may not even read it. a man we're hopin will make a decision in the best interest of an unborn baby boy. a man whose change of heart could change our lives, and the lives of a lot of other people...for always....
i'm not real sure how this will all play out...if we'll hear anything back at all...so writin the letter and mailin it doesn't really change anything...it doesn't change the unknown or the uncertainty of the wait....doesn't change this strange place of bein afraid to hope and bein afraid not to...
but if there's at all a chance that it will change anything....that it will turn the tide...then we can't not do it....
in the meantime.... we just keep on keepin on...one day at a time....
not a whole lot has happened, actually. josh was the last one to speak w/the birthmother. he was very calm and wise and encouraged her (and me) to just take a few weeks to breathe...to give the dad time to think about it...and reminded her that takin care of herself for the baby's sake was the most important thing to do. she was agreeable to the waiting and to the breathing....
and then he called the lawyer. the lawyer was very honest, which we appreciated. long story short, his counsel was "i tell anyone in this situation to cut their losses and run." not exactly what we were hopin for, but again, we appreciated his honesty. then he went on to explain -- the fight may not be worth it if the worst case scenario is possible....that being the mom relinquishes her rights to us, and we're given custody of the baby...but then the dad contests, and the judge gives him a period of time to "prove himself" via child support and health insurance coverage, etc...and if the dad lives up to it, regardless of his past or of his future, the court system will have no legal grounds to deny him his parental rights to the baby. so in the end, the mom has signed over her rights and doesn't get the baby...josh and i don't get the baby...and the baby ends up w/only the dad...
he went on to advise josh -- "at the end of two years of battlin in court, you've spent way more than you would have goin to an adoption agency in the first place...but ya know, the money wouldn't be the worst part...the worst part would be hearin that judge give the dad the rights to the baby and havin to give up the baby you've loved and fought for for two years. and i don't think you want to do that do your wife." i think about all josh was able to muster at that point was a solemn "no, sir, i don't."
but he also encouraged josh....told him he's seen cases like this where the dad contests b/c of a dysfunctional relationship w/the mom...and not necessarily b/c he has any vested interest in the baby...so he said if he were in our situation, he would write the dad a letter...tell him a little bit about ourselves...and maybe that would turn the tide....after all, we don't have anything to lose...
so minimized on this computer screen tonite is a letter...
a letter to a man we've never met. a man we don't know much about. a man who has fathered a baby we anticipated to be ours. a man who may or may not like nurses or law enforcement guys. a man who may or may not even read it. a man we're hopin will make a decision in the best interest of an unborn baby boy. a man whose change of heart could change our lives, and the lives of a lot of other people...for always....
i'm not real sure how this will all play out...if we'll hear anything back at all...so writin the letter and mailin it doesn't really change anything...it doesn't change the unknown or the uncertainty of the wait....doesn't change this strange place of bein afraid to hope and bein afraid not to...
but if there's at all a chance that it will change anything....that it will turn the tide...then we can't not do it....
in the meantime.... we just keep on keepin on...one day at a time....
Friday, February 5, 2010
no good title
i've been thinkin about this blog for over a month....at various times over the last few weeks, i've had the perfect layout for the story....but i always hesitated to write...then the story would change, so my idea for writin about it would change accordingly...
the design was roughly somethin like this....
part I: no-man's land...and i'd write a little about how josh and i were hardly even talkin about the baby thing anymore....not b/c anything had happened....actually, that's precisely why there wasn't anything to say - nothin had happened. the further we got from the failed fertility treatment of the summer, the more futile another attempt felt. when we thought of adoption, we still had so many reservations...the inherent risk in it all, can we love a baby that doesn't come from us, moral opposition to the cost of bringing a family together thru an adoption agency, etc...
part II: the phone call....this happened on the afternoon of new year's eve...i was at work when i got a call...a call that stopped my heart and brought tears to my eyes...a call that changed everything.... one of those friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend things...there was a young woman, pregnant, able to see ahead and determine she would be unable to care for her child after the birth, and wanted josh and i to adopt her baby come june... it was one of those fall-in-your-lap kinda deals. the kind you just can't quite call a coincidence.
part III: the meeting....the first time we met this brave woman was at the dr's office...just a few minutes prior to the sonogram she invited us into...we ended up spendin the better part of the day w/her and her family...the sonogram revealed the baby would be born a sweet little boy...the dr's appt assured us that everything was healthy and normal...lunch afterward should have been incredibly awkward, but as we all sat around chatting, it was remarkably comfortable... we left to come back home and knew in our hearts (though our mouths were hesitant to give voice to them immediately) that this is what we wanted... all along, we've said that if adoption was what we needed to do, there was an ideal situation...and so many of those hopes were met in this woman, her family, and their intentions....
...then all remaining blogs would be about the Glory of it all...the tears and the peace we shared...the anxiety that seemed to be comforted over and over again..... everything from the gift it would be to become parents w/in just a couple weeks of our dear friends becoming parents as well (our little boy and the merrills' little boy growin up together....)...and havin to re-arrange our house to fit a baby (after nearly 7 yrs of marriage, we've accumulated an embarrassing amt of stuff)...and walkin thru wal-mart one afternoon and realizin that passin by the baby stuff didn't hurt anymore.... and the nuts and bolts of the legal side of things, conversations w/the lawyer and such...our blog would finally be fulfilling its purpose...
but given the tone of the blog thus far, i'm sure you won't be surprised to learn that this week has brought a significant change of events....
long story short, the baby's birthfather has been notified, and he's stated that he has no intentions of relinquishing his rights. in the state of texas, both biological parents have rights to the child...
as i sit here this evenin, there seem to be a hundred more things to say.... like how our next step is to talk to the lawyer to see what his counsel is....or the foolishness i feel for becoming so quickly invested in this obviously unpredictable situation...the questions we have, which are endless it seems...the storm of emotion that has accompanied this potential ending to the fairytale...my cynicism is stirred, thinkin of the things people say around times like this, things about "meant to be" and usually when we say things like that, it's b/c we don't have answers for really crappy things, really hard questions...but i know folks mean well, and i know i'm just hurting...
when my tears seemed to have run out, i find myself almost chucklin, thinkin "you have got to be kiddin me. really? 5 1/2 yrs of tryin when so many others have unintentional and unwanted pregnancies...doctors who say 'we don't know what's wrong. for all practical purposes, this should work' only to be followed by a failed treatment...and now a seemingly ideal adoption situation on the brink of failure? really?" sometimes i can't believe this is our life...
sometimes i find the difference b/w surrender and numb a little foggy....and it's times like this when i want to say w/red "hope is a dangerous thing"
the design was roughly somethin like this....
part I: no-man's land...and i'd write a little about how josh and i were hardly even talkin about the baby thing anymore....not b/c anything had happened....actually, that's precisely why there wasn't anything to say - nothin had happened. the further we got from the failed fertility treatment of the summer, the more futile another attempt felt. when we thought of adoption, we still had so many reservations...the inherent risk in it all, can we love a baby that doesn't come from us, moral opposition to the cost of bringing a family together thru an adoption agency, etc...
part II: the phone call....this happened on the afternoon of new year's eve...i was at work when i got a call...a call that stopped my heart and brought tears to my eyes...a call that changed everything.... one of those friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend things...there was a young woman, pregnant, able to see ahead and determine she would be unable to care for her child after the birth, and wanted josh and i to adopt her baby come june... it was one of those fall-in-your-lap kinda deals. the kind you just can't quite call a coincidence.
part III: the meeting....the first time we met this brave woman was at the dr's office...just a few minutes prior to the sonogram she invited us into...we ended up spendin the better part of the day w/her and her family...the sonogram revealed the baby would be born a sweet little boy...the dr's appt assured us that everything was healthy and normal...lunch afterward should have been incredibly awkward, but as we all sat around chatting, it was remarkably comfortable... we left to come back home and knew in our hearts (though our mouths were hesitant to give voice to them immediately) that this is what we wanted... all along, we've said that if adoption was what we needed to do, there was an ideal situation...and so many of those hopes were met in this woman, her family, and their intentions....
...then all remaining blogs would be about the Glory of it all...the tears and the peace we shared...the anxiety that seemed to be comforted over and over again..... everything from the gift it would be to become parents w/in just a couple weeks of our dear friends becoming parents as well (our little boy and the merrills' little boy growin up together....)...and havin to re-arrange our house to fit a baby (after nearly 7 yrs of marriage, we've accumulated an embarrassing amt of stuff)...and walkin thru wal-mart one afternoon and realizin that passin by the baby stuff didn't hurt anymore.... and the nuts and bolts of the legal side of things, conversations w/the lawyer and such...our blog would finally be fulfilling its purpose...
but given the tone of the blog thus far, i'm sure you won't be surprised to learn that this week has brought a significant change of events....
long story short, the baby's birthfather has been notified, and he's stated that he has no intentions of relinquishing his rights. in the state of texas, both biological parents have rights to the child...
as i sit here this evenin, there seem to be a hundred more things to say.... like how our next step is to talk to the lawyer to see what his counsel is....or the foolishness i feel for becoming so quickly invested in this obviously unpredictable situation...the questions we have, which are endless it seems...the storm of emotion that has accompanied this potential ending to the fairytale...my cynicism is stirred, thinkin of the things people say around times like this, things about "meant to be" and usually when we say things like that, it's b/c we don't have answers for really crappy things, really hard questions...but i know folks mean well, and i know i'm just hurting...
when my tears seemed to have run out, i find myself almost chucklin, thinkin "you have got to be kiddin me. really? 5 1/2 yrs of tryin when so many others have unintentional and unwanted pregnancies...doctors who say 'we don't know what's wrong. for all practical purposes, this should work' only to be followed by a failed treatment...and now a seemingly ideal adoption situation on the brink of failure? really?" sometimes i can't believe this is our life...
sometimes i find the difference b/w surrender and numb a little foggy....and it's times like this when i want to say w/red "hope is a dangerous thing"
Sunday, November 22, 2009
revelation
about four things have been happenin the last while here....wasps attempting to take up residence inside the house, lots of school for me, lots of work for josh, and an extended visit from grandma. a combination of cooler weather and several cans of wasp spray have about taken care of the insect attack...two smaller assignments for me before i'm finished for the semester...no signs of slowin down b/w now and january for josh...and grandma, who is recovering exceptionally well after her knee replacement had to be replaced, will be goin home this week. whew!
one of josh's responsibilities is to take care of deer that have been hit on the highways. just b/c i have the time, i'll share the whole story.... a few days ago, josh got a call that a monster deer had been hit, so he went to investigate. the buck was dead, but b/c of his size, josh took his horns so he can use them in presentations and such....last sunday, a lady came up to me after church, tellin me how josh had found her deer. i thought maybe she and her husband had some land and had been watchin this deer, thus the endearing "my" when she spoke of the deceased. nope. "i'm the one who hit him!" was her clarification. anyway....the local taxidermist did a european mount with the skull and horns. (this means the mount is just the horns and bleached skull...no glassy brown deer eyes following you, no dead deer hair, etc). he finished this up pretty quickly, and josh picked it up on his way home from work. the deer's new home was to be josh's office at the courthouse....but he was temporarily placed next to the couch in the livin room.
two important events came about after this placement.... one, he started to smell...so i politely asked josh to please take him to his office as soon as possible. secondly...well, a revelation occurred.
along w/the deer horns, josh also needed to take this really big atlas back out to his pickup...so using reason and logic, i placed this huge atlas right next to the deer mount....i rationally believed josh would remember the deer horns, go to retrieve them from the livin room, see the atlas, and take both items w/him to work. well, the next mornin, i reminded him about the horns....he proceeded to walk across the room, STEP OVER the atlas, pick up the horns, and turn to leave.
WHAT?
"josh, what about the atlas? don't you need to take it, too?" "what atlas?" oh my gosh...i about fell over. "oh, yeah, thanks...i didn't see it." WHAT?!?!
i asked him to wait a minute while i tried to process what had just happened....i had this feelin that if i took a moment to fully comprehend what had just happened, my life and our marriage might be changed.
after a few questions, reality was revealed. he honestly did not see the atlas. i don't understand it...i don't know how he couldn't see it....but i believed him...his face wasn't lyin (and if you know josh, you know his face is a dead give away for the truth).... so somehow, it is in fact true that he simply does not notice things sometimes....the very things that i pick up on immediately when i walk through our house (dirty socks, stacks of clean clothes, dishes, trash, blankets, stuff....)...i'm not completely lettin him off the hook! he's confessed to a few occasions of intentionally not pickin somethin up just to irritate me....but in general, he simply does not notice the same things i do...and he's not at all concerned w/stuff lyin around....
realizing all of this widened my eyes and made me laugh out loud! when i tried to explain it to him...how obvious the atlas was...how i had deliberately placed it next to the deer so he would see it....he eventually saw the situation from my point of view, chuckled, and left as if nothin had happened. of course.
one of josh's responsibilities is to take care of deer that have been hit on the highways. just b/c i have the time, i'll share the whole story.... a few days ago, josh got a call that a monster deer had been hit, so he went to investigate. the buck was dead, but b/c of his size, josh took his horns so he can use them in presentations and such....last sunday, a lady came up to me after church, tellin me how josh had found her deer. i thought maybe she and her husband had some land and had been watchin this deer, thus the endearing "my" when she spoke of the deceased. nope. "i'm the one who hit him!" was her clarification. anyway....the local taxidermist did a european mount with the skull and horns. (this means the mount is just the horns and bleached skull...no glassy brown deer eyes following you, no dead deer hair, etc). he finished this up pretty quickly, and josh picked it up on his way home from work. the deer's new home was to be josh's office at the courthouse....but he was temporarily placed next to the couch in the livin room.
two important events came about after this placement.... one, he started to smell...so i politely asked josh to please take him to his office as soon as possible. secondly...well, a revelation occurred.
along w/the deer horns, josh also needed to take this really big atlas back out to his pickup...so using reason and logic, i placed this huge atlas right next to the deer mount....i rationally believed josh would remember the deer horns, go to retrieve them from the livin room, see the atlas, and take both items w/him to work. well, the next mornin, i reminded him about the horns....he proceeded to walk across the room, STEP OVER the atlas, pick up the horns, and turn to leave.
WHAT?
"josh, what about the atlas? don't you need to take it, too?" "what atlas?" oh my gosh...i about fell over. "oh, yeah, thanks...i didn't see it." WHAT?!?!
i asked him to wait a minute while i tried to process what had just happened....i had this feelin that if i took a moment to fully comprehend what had just happened, my life and our marriage might be changed.
after a few questions, reality was revealed. he honestly did not see the atlas. i don't understand it...i don't know how he couldn't see it....but i believed him...his face wasn't lyin (and if you know josh, you know his face is a dead give away for the truth).... so somehow, it is in fact true that he simply does not notice things sometimes....the very things that i pick up on immediately when i walk through our house (dirty socks, stacks of clean clothes, dishes, trash, blankets, stuff....)...i'm not completely lettin him off the hook! he's confessed to a few occasions of intentionally not pickin somethin up just to irritate me....but in general, he simply does not notice the same things i do...and he's not at all concerned w/stuff lyin around....
realizing all of this widened my eyes and made me laugh out loud! when i tried to explain it to him...how obvious the atlas was...how i had deliberately placed it next to the deer so he would see it....he eventually saw the situation from my point of view, chuckled, and left as if nothin had happened. of course.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
hydrogen peroxide and funnies
well...it hasn't been quite a month since the last post...i've about decided i'm not gonna be able to swing the whole regular bloggin bit.
had a couple worthy game warden stories to share...
josh has officially experienced his first game warden-related injury, though it wasn't too bad. he and a few other wardens worked from dawn to dusk earlier this week tryin to catch enough fish for a big fish fry. (so...the game warden-related is a bit of a stretch...since he wasn't actually on duty). they jug-lined for over 130 catfish! if you don't know what jug-linin' is...well...it's a little more involved than a rod and reel. anyway, while josh was pullin one of the lines up, the fishin line sliced thru his finger. he was in a boat, on the middle of a lake, joined only by other very masculine men...so he figured wrappin a dirty rag around it secured w/a little duct tape would be sufficient.
side note: there's this thing that happens when you become a nurse...a thing that nurses joke about...and if you're close to one, you'll know what i'm talkin about.... one would think nurses would at all times display the utmost of sympathy and concern. well...that's not always how it happens. actually, most nurses tend to be pretty matter-of-fact and have tanks less than 1/4 full of pity.... that's not to say we don't get concerned about legitimate things, especially w/kiddos...but for full-grown adults? it takes a lot to invoke our sympathies.
so josh finally gets home around 8 or 8:30...we eat...we chit chat about our days...and then i ask him what's on his finger. he proceeds to tell me the story. probably a more naturally sympathetic wife would have insisted on a trip to the er and would have driven him herself. but that didn't happen here. we took off the nastiness referred to as the bandage and cleaned it as best we could. had he been home when this happened, a trip to the dr would have probably been justified...and stitches would probably have been in order. but at 9 at nite, the cut definitely did not warrant a trip to the er.....so we cleaned it and wrapped it up and repeated this a few times the first 24 hrs...then i found some steri-strips and plastered them on there. i think he'll be fine :)
also this week (it's been an eventful one!), josh went over to a neighboring county to help another warden w/an elementary school program. they had the 'operation game thief' trailer w/them, which houses a variety of antlers and stuffed animals and skins from confiscated game that were hunted illegally. the kids were all 4th graders, and josh came back w/some of the funniest stories!!
josh: can anyone tell me what kinds of birds these are?
kids: chickens! turkeys! peacocks! eagles!.....quail!
josh: that's right. they're quail. now can anyone tell me what kind of quail?
kids: boy quail!
josh: (smilin...not quite expectin a gender-specific answer) that's right, too. now can you tell me what kind of boy quail they are?
kids:.... ..... ..... (prolonged silence as they all squinted their little eyes and cocked their heads to the side).... ..... ........ ............ (then finally....) mohawk quail?!
josh: laughin
note: quail have fuzzy feathers on top of their heads that, indeed, look like mohawks :)
josh: can anyone tell me what kid of bird this is?
kids: turkey!
josh: that's right! can you tell me if it's a boy turkey or a girl turkey?
kid: that's a boy turkey!
josh: that's right. how do you know it's a boy turkey?
kid: 'cuz he's got chest hair (pointin to the turkey's beard)
josh: laughin....again
there were several stations at this program, and the game warden station was just one of them. inside this trailer were all the animals....and beneath or beside each animal/skin was a plaque explaining the story behind the animal. thus far, not one kid had seemed to pick up on this readily available information.
there were several stations at this program, and the game warden station was just one of them. also, at each station, the teachers would give the kids monopoly money for questions they answered correctly. one group came thru, and there was this little girl w/pig-tails, holdin a whole wad of monopoly cash.... so josh asked question after question, and each time, this little girl knew the right answer. over and over again....and her stack of money kept growin..... after it was all said and done, she came up to josh and confessed:
"you really shouldn't have given me all this money. all those questions you asked? i just read the information on the wall to get the right answer."
i think she deserved all that money for bein the only one smart enough to read the plaques!
they had a lot of fun....just laughed and laughed tellin me the stories :)
he's at a meeting the next couple days, so i'm gonna clean house and try to crank out some homework.
had a couple worthy game warden stories to share...
josh has officially experienced his first game warden-related injury, though it wasn't too bad. he and a few other wardens worked from dawn to dusk earlier this week tryin to catch enough fish for a big fish fry. (so...the game warden-related is a bit of a stretch...since he wasn't actually on duty). they jug-lined for over 130 catfish! if you don't know what jug-linin' is...well...it's a little more involved than a rod and reel. anyway, while josh was pullin one of the lines up, the fishin line sliced thru his finger. he was in a boat, on the middle of a lake, joined only by other very masculine men...so he figured wrappin a dirty rag around it secured w/a little duct tape would be sufficient.
side note: there's this thing that happens when you become a nurse...a thing that nurses joke about...and if you're close to one, you'll know what i'm talkin about.... one would think nurses would at all times display the utmost of sympathy and concern. well...that's not always how it happens. actually, most nurses tend to be pretty matter-of-fact and have tanks less than 1/4 full of pity.... that's not to say we don't get concerned about legitimate things, especially w/kiddos...but for full-grown adults? it takes a lot to invoke our sympathies.
so josh finally gets home around 8 or 8:30...we eat...we chit chat about our days...and then i ask him what's on his finger. he proceeds to tell me the story. probably a more naturally sympathetic wife would have insisted on a trip to the er and would have driven him herself. but that didn't happen here. we took off the nastiness referred to as the bandage and cleaned it as best we could. had he been home when this happened, a trip to the dr would have probably been justified...and stitches would probably have been in order. but at 9 at nite, the cut definitely did not warrant a trip to the er.....so we cleaned it and wrapped it up and repeated this a few times the first 24 hrs...then i found some steri-strips and plastered them on there. i think he'll be fine :)
also this week (it's been an eventful one!), josh went over to a neighboring county to help another warden w/an elementary school program. they had the 'operation game thief' trailer w/them, which houses a variety of antlers and stuffed animals and skins from confiscated game that were hunted illegally. the kids were all 4th graders, and josh came back w/some of the funniest stories!!
josh: can anyone tell me what kinds of birds these are?
kids: chickens! turkeys! peacocks! eagles!.....quail!
josh: that's right. they're quail. now can anyone tell me what kind of quail?
kids: boy quail!
josh: (smilin...not quite expectin a gender-specific answer) that's right, too. now can you tell me what kind of boy quail they are?
kids:.... ..... ..... (prolonged silence as they all squinted their little eyes and cocked their heads to the side).... ..... ........ ............ (then finally....) mohawk quail?!
josh: laughin
note: quail have fuzzy feathers on top of their heads that, indeed, look like mohawks :)
josh: can anyone tell me what kid of bird this is?
kids: turkey!
josh: that's right! can you tell me if it's a boy turkey or a girl turkey?
kid: that's a boy turkey!
josh: that's right. how do you know it's a boy turkey?
kid: 'cuz he's got chest hair (pointin to the turkey's beard)
josh: laughin....again
there were several stations at this program, and the game warden station was just one of them. inside this trailer were all the animals....and beneath or beside each animal/skin was a plaque explaining the story behind the animal. thus far, not one kid had seemed to pick up on this readily available information.
there were several stations at this program, and the game warden station was just one of them. also, at each station, the teachers would give the kids monopoly money for questions they answered correctly. one group came thru, and there was this little girl w/pig-tails, holdin a whole wad of monopoly cash.... so josh asked question after question, and each time, this little girl knew the right answer. over and over again....and her stack of money kept growin..... after it was all said and done, she came up to josh and confessed:
"you really shouldn't have given me all this money. all those questions you asked? i just read the information on the wall to get the right answer."
i think she deserved all that money for bein the only one smart enough to read the plaques!
they had a lot of fun....just laughed and laughed tellin me the stories :)
he's at a meeting the next couple days, so i'm gonna clean house and try to crank out some homework.
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